Life is full of ideals and expectations about who we should be- and this also goes for who we should be as a Witch, a spiritual person, or a follower of a certain tradition. Sometimes these come from the current culture and trends, other times they are passed down through generations or through long-held traditions. Often we internalize them.
While sometimes ideals and expectations help us grow, other times they hold us back and become a stifling box that we struggle to fit into or get stuck in over time.
Social media floods us with specific ideas about what being a Pagan, Witch or having a spiritual practice should look like or be like. These days there are pressures to fit your spirituality into an existing aesthetic, to create an entire brand around it and spend many hours a day making inspirational yet illusory content to gain followers which now includes a lot of AI generated stuff.
This isn’t to say that everyone making spiritual content is expressing something inauthentic, fake, or is stuck in a box (myself included here!) just that this is an expectation that social media puts puts on us. This can lead to some unrealistic ideals as to what a witchy life really is and what it actually looks like. It really is time consuming as well, and I’d rather be doing my spiritual practice than trying to fit it into social media’s tiny boxes for consumption.
Glamour and Illusions
Most of the images we see in media can be deeply inspiring but not necessarily a reflection of our daily reality. Images of women in hooded shawls meditating with ancient standing stones, dancing in white dresses in misty forests, or drawing handmade Tarot cards by candlelight are beautiful and inspiring, but can set an impossible ideal of the ‘magical life’ that folks may feel they need to attain to be a ‘real witch’.
While my own practice includes rituals of card-pulling, nature walks, yoga , meditation, chanting or journeying, it’s not necessarily aesthetically pretty, upholding an ideal nor something I feel is meant to be shared.
Sometimes my practice looks like lying in my pj’s journaling a disturbing dream, ugly-crying through old emotional pain the shower or breathing a quick and desperate prayer on my way to sleep after a stressful day.
My practice also looks like vacuuming, washing dishes or cooking a meal with intention. Sometimes it’s just doing nothing, taking a nap or cuddling my cats. It’s also asking existential questions while I look blankly into my fridge for the answers, or tuning in to my inner wisdom while standing in line at the grocery store or sitting on the subway.
I hope to remind us all, whether a newbie or experienced on the path- that magic is everywhere, all the time, including within us.
Your spiritual or witchy practice can be anything you do that brings meaning into your daily life. Mindfulness and intention are what can make a seemingly routine or mundane action, like eating breakfast, magickal.
For example, you can eat your breakfast with gratitude to the Earth Mother and connect with your food’s origins. As you eat, you can give thanks to your body and appreciate it. You can recite a daily affirmation, receiving the positive energy of the words as nourishment with your food.
Living a spiritual life can be as simple as integrating meaning and perspective into your daily existence.
Magickal practice is called such because it is like working a muscle, a repeated remembering of our wholeness and power, which can be called upon in times of stress or suffering.
It’s also about being true to you and honest with yourself. Your practice may fit into an existing tradition or current trend just fine. Until maybe it doesn’t. Then it’s ok to step out of the box!
Some examples of trying to fit into a spiritual box:
- Portraying your spirituality on social media to please an algorithm, gain popularity or fit into an aesthetic: You don’t need to conform to these expectations or share everything. Some spiritual experiences are meant just for you and not others.
- Conforming within a spiritual group or tradition that conflicts with your true values: Perhaps you’re attracted to something within this group or path but there are things that make you feel uneasy or like you have to put away or hide an important part of yourself or your beliefs/values to follow it. This will eventually make it really hard to stay or move forward.
- Sticking to a ritual, practice, tradition or path because you feel you should, even if it isn’t resonating with you anymore: Perhaps you’ve always done something one way and it used to support you but now it feels meaningless or like you’ve outgrown it. It’s ok to evolve out of something! Commitment and repetition can be strengthening and supportive, until it’s not and you need to change it up somehow.
- Following spiritual trends to be trendy: Is this helping you grow spiritually or is it stemming out of ego, or a need to belong and be accepted? Or, is it just not truly resonating with you?
- Following a teacher that isn’t really helping you grow: Maybe this teacher is highly recommended, or popular with others. But if they don’t resonate with you, your values, or they raise red flags- you don’t need to stick with them.
- Engaging in a spiritual practice because it helps you avoid reality: Spiritual bypassing is a common trap on the path. It may feel good at first, but ultimately asks you to not love or accept your whole self- light and shadow. While we all need some time out from the heaviness and negativity of this world, I feel the purpose of spiritual practice is to help us live our earthly life with more presence, meaning, and faith, rather than avoidance.
One thing I have learned over the years is that I need my spiritual path to allow me to be who I already am, as well as who I want to be. In my light and my darkness. In my bliss and in my daily responsibilities.
It does however, take some time and experimentation to figure things out. So, don’t feel bad or beat yourself up if you’re stuck in a box. These lessons are part of the path! They make us wiser.
Following Traditions vs Forging Your Own Path
I’ve often felt like something was wrong with me for not feeling 100% devoted to one path, one tradition, one deity or pantheon in my life. I wondered, was I too weak, lazy or not committed enough to keep going in that one direction? Why was I failing? Why did I always feel I was hitting a wall and unable to keep going? Why couldn’t I just find ‘the one’ path for me?
My Spirit would only lead me so far down an existing path before guiding me elsewhere. My mind would get confused by this. I didn’t want to be someone who just dabbled, or took spirituality lightly. Truthfully I wasn’t someone like that. But what my Spirit was showing me, was that I didn’t need to be more committed to an existing path, I needed to learn to commit to my own unique path and my own intuition, rather than the path I was immersed in at the time.
I often spend years immersed in one tradition before I move onto another one and do the same, like a serial monogamist. But these days, different aspects of my many paths (which are all under the Pagan umbrella) come and go as needed into my daily practice, and they’ve kind of formed their own beautiful tapestry where I can easily access an entire thread if need be.
I appreciate and respect wisdom traditions, teachers and the roots of spiritual practices. I respect those who’ve forged paths before me. But I am here to forge my own path. I let my intuition guide me, which comes in the form of a strong internal pull coupled with signs in my life pointing in that direction.
As we get older, I think most of us understand that life is too short to waste our precious time and energy squishing into stifling boxes, or pretending to be someone we are not. We also learn to embrace the limits of our energy and the curveballs thrown into our path.
Spiritual growth is never linear for me, and so my commitment is to my own process of becoming wiser rather than to a fixed set of beliefs or teachings.
Quieting the Inner Critic & Letting Go of Control
As August brings with it a reflective vibe (and Mercury retrograde), I have been assessing my ‘progress’ on my dreams and goals I made at Imbolc and have been hard on myself for where I’ve fallen short.
I started scolding myself for not having met a creative goal I made at Imbolc. In fact, I haven’t even started the project. Instead, my body and soul called for some deep healing, cleansing and rest. I’ve learned to listen to this call when it comes.
So, I spent the last month focusing on healing with a liver and diet cleanse, as well as some shamanic and energy healing with my healers, which brought up some past life pain and emotions. I am just coming out of this process and am a bit exhausted, but also much lighter and freer, energetically.
Another Imbolc goal I had was to gain more herbal knowledge, but instead of intentional study, I have been spending hours with my indoor plants dealing with bug infestations and out in my garden trying to save my Mugwort and other plants from hungry rabbits.
I learned through months of trial and error that nemetodes are a decent remedy for fungus gnats, and rabbits are very sneaky. I suppose this has furthered my knowledge in a certain way, just not in the way I’d intended!
At Lughnasadh/Lammas, I didn’t do any traditional baking of bread, nor did I hold a circle, because I needed a break. I celebrated Lammas in a more internal, reflective way this year, but criticized myself for ‘not doing enough’ anyway.
Conditioning runs deep!
Just because we have a tradition of baking bread at Lammas doesn’t mean we have to do that. Just because we had a beautiful plan or goal, doesn’t mean circumstances and timing support it. We may like to think we can manifest things we want, but sometimes the universe has another (better) plan.
Many folks are drawn to witchcraft because they want to feel more in control of life or circumstances. They want to have the power to manifest their desires. Yet, I’ve learned all we can really control is ourselves and how we respond to what life puts in front of us. Our inner work is really where it’s at.
Over the years, my practice has moved away from manifestation and spell work and towards my inner work- healing and shadow work, as well as surrender, and embracing the Mystery. This is where my path has taken me and it has helped me grow.
It doesn’t mean we are any less of a witch or spiritual person if we do things differently than someone else or how culture dictates it to us. You don’t need to do spells, grow herbs, chant, worship deity or wear shawls at dusk in the forest, to be a ‘real’ witch. Witches come in all forms, and magick does too.
A Full Moon Calling for Freedom
I am writing this as we head into a Full Moon in Aquarius on August 19th- the sign of liberation from outmoded boxes, traditions and expectations. This full moon is brimming with the energy of freedom, inspiring a change in perspective and the release of chains that we may have wrapped around ourselves or boxes we are ready to climb out of-mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually.
It may feel tense or unsettling, like we are being pushed out of our comfort zone and there may be some resistance. Know that we don’t need to overthrow our whole life, of course. Even a small adjustment to an existing container can have profound effects.
This is a great Full Moon for bringing our awareness to where we can release some tension or stagnancy- a massage would be great, or softening some mental knots and listening to the unique song that is only ours within our heart.
It can be helpful to journal, move, exercise, dance or process your feelings in expressive ways. Listen to your inner voice and remember that you are the creator/creatrix of your own life. Release any chains or old stories that hold you back.
Reflection questions: These can apply on the mental, emotional, spiritual or physical level.
Where might I need to loosen up a bit?
Where am I forcing myself into a box that just doesn’t fit?
Am I clinging to any outmoded ideas about myself, my life or my spiritual practice that are no longer serving me?
What structures or containers are supporting my growth and which are not?
What small adjustment can I make now to allow more space to be myself, to move, flow or grow?
I hope that whatever path or practices you embrace, they nourish you deeply and give you the spaciousness, support and freedom you desire.
Can you think of a time you felt stuck in a box- a spiritual or mental expectation or ideal that was holding you back? How did you free yourself? Please feel free to share in the comments!
xo
Serena
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