When the Cauldron Feels Empty-The Sacred Void

As the darkness increases and the cold sets in, we can experience a challenging time emotionally and mentally, here in the northern hemisphere. Late Autumn and the Scorpio season brings themes of death, transformation and rebirth, as well as deep diving into the locked closets of our emotions, lineages and past life memories. We may find ourselves in the sacred void of the unknown, a place of release and cleansing, and a liminal emptiness that calls for pause, rest and recalibration before the new light of Solstice comes.

This year is particularly emo, with tons of planets in water signs, and in retrograde, bringing the past right up in our faces- to tie up loose ends, close old chapters, clear away baggage and anything that we’re holding onto that doesn’t belong in the new cycle being birthed in 2026.

We all seem to be going through our own rebirthing process, myself included. It reminds me a lot of the labor of childbirth. Waves of change flowing through me as old skins and inherited patterns release and something new slowly gets closer to being born within. My nervous system and body have been undergoing deep healing as I clear old patterns and trauma from my current and past lives as well as lineage wounds. It has been laborious and not fun to say the least, but I know it is helping me get where I need and want to be in the future. I am already amazed at how much lighter and freer I feel after releasing a lot of stuff over the past few months.

I want more for myself. I want my authentic self fully back home within so I can share more with the world. I am freeing myself of the weight of others’ expectations that I’ve been carrying my whole life. I am breaking unspoken rules and releasing absorbed projections that have taken up a lot of internal space, keeping me small. These have been streaming out of me- through my dreams, my emotional and physical body. Thankfully, I have the support of healers in both human and spirit form and the Earth with me on this journey.

Some days in this liminal transition time, I feel unmotivated and empty. When I was thinking of what I wanted to write for this post, all that came to mind was ‘my cauldron is empty’.

I felt like I didn’t have anything to share. No inspiration or helpful information I thought people would want to hear. Because, I have been in liminal space, a bit of a personal void. Yet there is nothing empty about the void. It’s actually quite fertile and filled with gratitude, grace, magic and mystery. It has transformed me in powerful ways and continues to. I’ve become impressed and fond of it. Surely there must be something I can say about this void or emptiness that could be helpful? I’ll give it my best.

Finding our Way through the Dark

We may find ourselves in the void in many instances in our lives when things are in transition. Between one chapter and another. During times of loss, illness, healing, separation, death, as well as birth, marriage, moving house, starting a new job, lifestyle or embracing a new identity. It can also be in a seasonal change.

We recently unexpectedly got a heavy dumping of snow here in Toronto, before all the leaves had changed and dropped. Temps dropped to winter levels. It felt like the vitality of the earth had just suddenly gone before I got to say goodbye. It triggered a heaviness in my heart- a reminder of the times circumstances or people slipped away in my life unexpectedly, and I never got to say goodbye or grieve properly.

We also recently changed the clocks back to standard time- much better for our circadian rhythms, but it takes some getting used to. All of a sudden the night goes on forever and the daytime, if it’s overcast or rainy, just feels like more darkness. This combo of darkness, dampness, and saying goodbye to the growth season made me feel particularly low and old wounds came to the surface to be felt and healed. Our environment can affect us on deep levels.

The seasons always mirror a part of our life- fall reminds us of what is on its way out, what is dying, or ending its cycle. We may feel more emotional or on edge as we clutch to nostalgia, ride waves of grief or fear the unknown. We know an emptiness awaits us, and we may fear that emptiness.

Yet, in order for new life to bloom, a period of slowness, rest and incubation is necessary.

 Emptiness is simply potential- it holds all the fertility and possibility in the universe.

It awaits our spark of energy to ignite it and set in motion a whole new path of possibility. But there is a time to simply wait, to allow it to be- so our energy can build itself up before the new spark can come into existence.

Life requires a time of rest, integration, recalibration and renewal. We sleep 1/3 of our lives for this reason. We don’t function well without this sacred surrender to the void. The surrender to rest allows us to awaken with new energy the next day.

Having experienced a lot of insomnia over the last year, I was reminded just how precious sleep is. I saw a sleep therapist for a few months which really helped me get back on track. One thing I learned was how important it was for me to re-learn how to surrender and trust my body’s natural capabilities and the Great Mystery itself. Practicing surrender and trust helped me perhaps more than any sleep remedies.

Part of the issue for me was that surrender felt like pain and powerlessness, which stemmed from old traumas, some of which involved my body being in physical pain or emotional suffering. I’ve relived so much of my past over the last year- my moments of powerlessness since birth or even before.

My faith was tested this year, as I grappled with my past and self-doubt and was pushed to strengthen my faith in Spirit and learn the art of surrender, while discerning it from powerlessness.

My attempts to escape my fears and old pain never worked, and my attempts to control the healing process (which is also a type of escape) backfired and made me feel worse. I spent a lot of time with trees and water and listening to the voice of the earth, my body and my intuition to help me stay afloat. The more I practiced this, the more it proved to be helpful and the more I was able to embody my faith and trust the process.

I know I am part of nature and move with its rhythms and its organic, non-linear ways. The more I trusted the messy, non-linear process in my body and psyche, the easier it became to sleep, and to release my past pain, and feel better than I ever have in many ways. I now sleep well again and have more freedom and lightness in my body, and a growing inner sovereignty than I can remember ever having.

Surrender to the divine and practicing faith offers us the power we need when we’re faced with the uncertainty life brings. I also cultivated a strong daily gratitude practice which expanded my faith.  

How do you deal with uncertainty and the unknown? Do you grip onto controlling smaller things in your life, like diet, your body, environment, or do you escape or numb out? How does your spiritual practice support you?

Creative Droughts and Spaces Between

Sometimes, when the cauldron feels empty, it is more on a creative level, where we’re between projects, or something we put a lot of energy into has ended and we have yet to conceive a new plan, idea or pathway forward.

As creative beings, it can sometimes be hard to admit it when we feel empty, uninspired, unmotivated, tired, or just like we’re in the void and have no clue what we’re doing or what’s next. It feels like we aren’t moving, and that can be scary in a culture that moves too fast and expects us to always be doing and producing.

But being in a phase of nothingness is totally normal and ok!  We are nature and nature moves in cycles. Slowing down is often what we need to do when there is a lot to process and integrate during times of transition. Some stages last longer than others. Sometimes they don’t go in a predictable way. But each stage serves a purpose and happens in Divine timing.

Patience and divine timing is something I’ve really had to learn to trust over the years. I like to feel in control, so life has brought me many lessons in surrender and letting go. I’ve learned to embrace the void, as a sacred cauldron of rebirth. A beautiful space of pure potential and possibility. This space only asks us to wait, and to let ourselves dream.  

But the void can feel scary. Especially in a culture that raises us to feel that rest, slowness, darkness, transition or stillness are dangerous, and the unknown is akin to death. But death always leads to rebirth. Energy is continuously in a flow of changing form, it doesn’t end.

The dark womb is where life begins. It is where we can allow new dreams to take shape.

Do you give yourself space and time to simply wonder and dream? Do you let yourself simply wander and be in a space of not-knowing and enjoy it? If not, what if you did?

Embracing Sacred Pause, Silence and Honing our Intuition

We live in a very logical and visual culture, so it can be helpful to become more well-rounded by honing our other skills, especially non-linear and intuitive ways of processing and being.

We need to balance ourselves by learning to feel our emotions- no matter how painful or messy they are. We need to practice trusting our intuition- that calm, quiet inner knowing we feel when we embrace the mystery that lies within the present moment.

Pause and darkness are what allow us to become more present and hear these parts of us.

When it is dark outside, we need to rely on our senses other than sight to get around. We need to feel what’s in our heart and our gut, feel the moment with our feet and hands, smell the air, sharpen our hearing. Attune to what we sense, rather than what we think or what is visible on the surface.

Silence can feel scary because it allows us to hear the voices of our buried truths and dreams that we’d maybe rather not see or hear, for fear that they may take us off into the unknown wilderness. But these voices carry the gifts of the new life awaiting us beyond the void.

We can plant seeds in this season for next year- But how can we know what to plant if we don’t slow down and listen to the new life that’s calling us?

When we pause, turn off our phones, noise and take a moment to simply be- what arises?

What if we embrace the darkness, the silence and simply light a candle? Take a moment to check in with ourselves to hear the whispers from deep within?

What if instead of trying to figure out our next step logically or force a plan, we simply tuned into this moment and allowed our instincts or intuition guide us forward?

Emptiness brings the Magic

Energy and inspiration need to have space to enter. Often when life seems to be slowing us down, or forcing a pause, it is because we need to receive something, but have been too busy to let it in.

Magic requires receptivity- our open hands, arms, and heart. When we fill every moment with action, noise or distraction, we cannot receive the new idea, spark, inspiration or energy we really want.

Sometimes our manifestations get blocked because on some level we don’t believe we deserve it, or that we don’t have what it takes to get it, or maybe we’re simply holding onto something else that is taking up too much space for it to come in.

So, when it comes to creating something new, we can start by clearing and making that space, then letting ourselves be empty and open to receive.

What is something you wish to have in your life? Is there space for that right now? Is there perhaps a belief or attachment to something else taking up that space in yourself or life? Are you open to creating space and letting yourself receive the new energy and inspiration that awaits?

In the cyclic flow of life, we cannot skip steps. In order to create, to renew and birth new life, we must embrace the stage of emptiness- which is actually full of potential. Perhaps the darkness is actually the most fertile phase of all. The more we practice simply being in it- in surrender, patience and trust, the more magic will be able to come through and ignite all we wish to manifest in the future.

I am here in the dark womb cauldron with you- may we embrace this sacred pause and open to the magic being formed- unseen yet full of new life!

If you’d like to feel the warmth and love that exists in the void, I recommend this beautiful music for meditation and relaxation called ‘Within the Void’ by Mei-Lan and Ali Pervez Mehdi.

Blessed New Moon in Scorpio and the depths of Samhain season!

xo

Serena

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Healing Our Lineage, Healing Ourselves

It took a lot for us to be here. Our existence is due to the choices and sacrifices of those who came before us. Those who birthed us, nurtured us, taught us- however imperfectly- are the reason we are here.

Ancestry and lineage healing are hot topics these days, often frought with mixed feelings. Ancestors are often idealised or demonised. Family is complicated. We may have adopted family, step-family, blood family or soul family. Ways that our roots entangle with others can take many shapes and forms. They can be sources of comfort, love, deep pain or longing.

Something that we can probably agree on, is that tending our roots is deep inner work and part of feeling nourished and secure on this planet. It is also a major part of being a good ancestor for the generations to come. Whether or not you have biological children, we are all future ancestors of this planet. By living here, we make a mark.   

Making a connection with our Ancestors

Card from Wisdom of the Cailleach Oracle by Jane Brideson

Beliefs about our ancestors and the dead vary in different cultures and belief systems. Many believe that our ancestors watch over us, guide us and have hopes and wishes for us in our lifetime.  Ancestor reverence is common in many cultures, often including an altar with photos, candles and offerings to show respect. Some believe in reincarnation, some don’t. Some believe they will be reunited in death with their loved ones. Some believe that this life is all we’ve got and wish to leave the world a better place for future generations.

Since I can’t speak to the experience of being dead (that I can remember, anyway!) I am open to the variety of ways of looking at death, the afterlife and ancestors. I feel like I want to be a good ancestor for my descendants and future generations. I would also love the job of helping others on earth as a spirit guide one day. I have always been comfortable with the idea of reincarnation too, but with the way humanity is going, I am not sure if I want to back again anytime soon.

I have always felt very spiritually connected to my ancestors. I didn’t grow up with spiritual traditions of ancestor reverence, but I always had this feeling that I was being watched over and protected by ‘family’ beyond the veil. Especially when I was outside, I felt like my ancestors were with me, giving me a deep sense of home and belonging. I truly felt that my family extended beyond my living relatives and were very much in the unseen world. I still feel this today.

I also have been lucky to have access to my family tree and history, which is very well documented and recorded, on both sides. Thanks to the thorough recordkeeping of the Catholic Church and many living relatives on my mom’s side who had a lot of babies to keep track of, I have access to family trees, books and albums that go back hundreds of years. Thanks to the internet, the painstaking efforts of genealogists and genealogically-inclined relatives, I’ve found a lot with little effort and connected with family I haven’t met in person and have lots of info on both sides of my family.

Having access to all this information has made me feel that it is my duty in a way, to remember my ancestors, to read their names and wonder about their lives. To imagine their hardships and what the times they lived in demanded of them.

I know not everyone has access to this info. It can be hard to obtain records, especially if you are adopted or are far away from your birthplace. But I feel you don’t really need documented information to connect with your ancestors or to heal your lineage. Essentially, you ARE the record. Your ancestors live and breathe through you. You carry their gifts and wounds as you live your earthly life, walking the path they gave you.

Being a Good Ancestor

My paternal great-grandparents, Charles Oakley & Sarah McGillivray. Sarah was a descendant of Scottish highlanders who came to Glengarry, ON during the highland clearances. She died of the Spanish flu in 1918, a young mother leaving behind her 2 boys, who were then sent to an orphanage.

In doing my own healing and researching my ancestors, I thought I would feel a greater sense of belonging, but it has actually given me more of a sense of responsibility. A responsibility to use the freedom I have that my ancestors didn’t. To live a good life, to enjoy what I have and to let myself be happy. To be a good parent to my daughter and to be a good ancestor for the future. 

For me, ancestral healing is about identifying patterns that were passed down to me- ways of thinking, behaving, wounds and gifts- and create new patterns that are healthier and more life-affirming for my descendants and the next generation.

Some believe that by healing ourselves, we heal not only those who come after us, but those who came before us as well. I like to believe this too.

Whatever healing work you do on yourself– going to therapy, healing and caring for your body, shifting unhealthy inherited patterns of thinking or behaving that your parents modeled- are all ways of healing your lineage. You break the chain and give new freedom to your descendants.

Those of us who are parents often don’t realise we are repeating a pattern until we finally hear ourselves and see the effects we have on our kids. I am mostly proud of myself as a mom for being conscious of my patterns and trying not to repeat them. However, I’m nowhere near perfect and know that my daughter will still have her share of lineage stuff to work through. We all make our own little contribution to the path and hope that it provides more opportunity for those to come.

Healing my Lineage- In my Bones and Blood

Collage of some of my family

My experience living with endometriosis felt like a direct energetic line to my foremothers. I felt that I held all their grief and pain from lost babies, lost dreams and hardship in my own uterus. I can’t prove such a connection, but I feel deep in my bones and blood, that this was true and that I carry a lot of ancestral patterns in my body and energy field. I believe that healing myself is healing my line- before me and after me.

My mother’s lineage holds a strong faith, an ability to be humble and believe in magic and the Divine. We are a lineage of spiritual, hard-working, nurturing mothers and healers. These are gifts passed down to us. But with the gifts, come wounds. Hard-working humility and over-reliance on faith can also become toxic. We can get into a pattern of putting ourselves last, a pattern of feeling guilty or sinful, a pattern of martyrdom that weakens our own creative power and agency. Part of my work is to notice this in myself and shift into new ways.

Learning From the Past, Looking to the Future

Creating new pathways forward

Another part of my lineage healing is to take back my own creative power and co-create with the Divine, rather than being subservient to a religion or church. Being a Witch is a major part of this for me. While I respect the beliefs of my ancestors and family members, I feel my healing work comes from breaking away from that institution and following a path that is authentic and free.

I realised at a young age that I didn’t like the formalities of religion and just wanted to be outside where I could hear the whispers of the spirits of nature. I know many of my ancestors resonated with this, too.

My mother eventually broke the mold and veered off her Catholic path to find her authentic way forward, which made it easier for me to go my own way too. At thirteen, I refused my Confirmation and got into Tarot, astrology, Yoga, energy healing, Paganism and never looked back. Sometimes, I feel as though my ancestors are applauding me for this, (maybe not all of them, but some of them, haha) as I am living out their subconscious desires.  My older ancestors from times before they were Christianised whisper me encouragement in reviving the old ways.

As a Witch, I reclaim the inner Wild Woman, Creatrix and Wise Woman that my foremothers could not- because of the limitations of the times they lived in. I am still a hard-working, nurturing mother, just one who is trying to balance that with self-care, magick and engaging her creative power.

When the voice of guilt and shame comes up, I gently remind her that by taking care of myself and doing what I love, I am healing my lineage. By following my own path and trusting the Divine as it flows through me, I am healing my lineage.

What gifts and wounds does your lineage carry?

Oaks at Llyn Tegid, Wales

We all have baggage and skeletons in our family closets. We all have victims and perpetrators in our families. We all have those archetypes within us as well. Idealising and demonising doesn’t really do us any good. It is important to remember that no matter who our ancestors were, or who we are, they were human, we are human, and we decide what aspects of ourselves we nurture and which we discontinue.

If you wish, take a moment to reflect on your own family:

What natural gifts or strengths do your parents or grandparents possess?

How are you like them? How are you different?

Do you know the stories of your ancestors?

If you believe your ancestors are watching over you now, what do you think they would say about you? What would they wish for you in this life?

What wounds or challenges run through your family? What did you inherit?

Are you consciously or unconsciously trying to heal this wound?

How are you changing the patterns passed down to you to make a better world for the next generation?

As we enter the time of Samhain, the veil between the worlds is thin, and we can connect more easily to those on the other side. It is a ripe time for ancestral connection and lineage healing. I’d like to invite you to join me for our upcoming Online Samhain Circle on Friday Nov 4th, 2022! We will do a guided meditation journey to connect with our ancestors, discover more about our inherited wounds, gifts and how to get the healing process going. First timers are free! Hope to see you there.

Xo

Serena

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