Is It My Intuition? 5 Ways To Tell

One of the most challenging and important lessons I’ve had on my path as a Witch is deciphering whether messages are coming from my intuition vs something else- like my emotions, ego, or personal bias. In my early days of exploration, it was hard to find any information on this, but thankfully now more folks are sharing what has worked and what hasn’t from their experiences. I don’t feel there are hard and fast rules on this, so no matter what it will take some practice and learning about yourself. But I can share some things I’ve learned for myself along the way that may help you on your journey!

  1. Know Yourself

This is probably the most important, but it takes time. We are all unique in our experiences, personal history and socio-cultural conditioning. What works for one person, won’t necessarily work for another. We can learn from others, but we ultimately need to put our learning into practice and figure out what is true for us.

Some folks are more visual, others physical, others auditory. Intuition can come through different channels. Also, how we process information can help us understand how we might experience our intuition. Some folks are quick to sense information through instinct and shoot from the hip with confidence. Some folks distrust their emotional and intuitive instincts and try to keep a more logical point of view. Some folks are sensitive and sponge-like, easily overwhelmed by the impressions they get and may have a hard time verbally expressing themselves or discerning what’s what.

The confident person may jump too quickly to assume the message they are getting is intuition rather than emotion or ego. They are quick to trust their instincts but may not notice where the instinct is coming from. They may need to slow down and get more curious- where did this message come from?  Does it sound tinted with my own personal feelings, biases or desires? Or does it sound like a different voice than my own? Taking a step back to sense the bigger picture can be helpful.

Someone who prefers to take an objective point of view may be too much in their head and override their intuition for fear of sounding too subjective or emotional. They may question or analyse their intuitive feelings to the point where it becomes diluted or they lose their grasp on it altogether. They need to practice getting out of their head and trusting their ability to feel and sense a message knowing that feeling something doesn’t necessarily mean it is emotional.

Someone who is quite sensitive and sponge-like may get overwhelmed by all the information they are receiving- intuition, emotion, the energy of others, etc. They may get lost in all they are feeling and need to work on grounding themselves in their body and the tangible world in order to decipher what’s what. Boundaries are key.

We can experience all of these scenarios at some point. I have!

Some questions for self-reflection:

  • Remember being a child. Did you receive any premonitions or a sense of what was really going on with someone or something? Remember how that felt or showed up for you.   
  • Think of a past experience as an adult of receiving an intuitive hunch about something or someone that turned out to be true- One of those ‘I knew it!’ times. What state were you in when you received the hunch? How/where did you feel it in your body?
  • Think about a time when you kicked yourself because you felt an intuitive hunch about something but instead followed the logical choice or someone else’s opinion and regretted it.  What happened between the intuitive feeling and the regretted action?

The more you understand how your intuition speaks to you, and what tends to stand in its way, the more you’ll be able to tell if what you’re feeling is your intuition or not.

2. Create a Grounding & Centering Ritual

Our intuition does not tend to come through clearly when we are in a heightened emotional state.

This is one thing I have found to be true for me and others on this path.

When I’ve been feeling really down, angry, or anxious, I’ve wanted to figure out what my intuition was saying about the situation. However, when I tried to do this, it always felt like my intuition was garbled or simply not available, because my emotions were in the foreground.  My messages felt like they were what I wanted to hear and the ‘voice’ I was listening to sounded too much like my own thoughts and feelings in that moment.

In a heightened emotional state, it is better to simply be with our feelings and let them flow. Cry, talk to a friend, clean, write, paint, exercise, or cuddle with a pet. Our feelings are always valid. They need to be heard and expressed. However, they aren’t necessarily the best drivers of action. I don’t feel this means we can’t seek solace in our Tarot cards or other intuitive tools, it just means that our ability to interpret their messages may be off, so it may be best to follow the meanings from a book or let a friend read them for us, which only works if we are open to what they have to say.   

When we are in a less emotional state- still feeling and thinking things, but not overwhelmed, it can be a great time to practice a ritual that grounds and centers us. We can go back to this ritual when our emotions are heightened to help calm us down. If we practice it regularly, it can become the foundation for getting us into a deeper, more receptive state for accessing our intuition.

Here are some suggestions for creating a grounding & centering ritual:

  • Doing some yoga and/or breathing exercises
  • A nature walk
  • Meditation
  • Burning some herbs while saying a prayer or invocation to the divine
  • Playing an instrument, singing, dancing, writing or other form of expression
  • Making a cup of tea and sitting in your favourite chair while gazing out the window
  • Taking a salt bath
  • Lighting a candle while setting an intention

Repeating an action like the above examples becomes a ritual when you do it regularly. It becomes a practice when you use the ritual to deepen your ability to be in a clear, receptive state in which your mind, body and emotions are in harmony. If you practice asking your intuition for insight while in this state, it is more trustworthy and can come through more clearly.

You may feel messages coming through without an emotional reaction or attachment. It might come ‘out of the blue’ or feel like it is coming from outside of you, even if it is felt in your body. This can be a sign that it is intuition.

3. Listen to the Body

The body never lies, as they say. However, the body can give us messages from different parts of ourselves. Bodies are complex beings that hold past trauma, ancestral wounds, cultural conditioning, our emotions and more. Deciphering its messages takes time and practice.

The body however, is a valuable tool in understanding how our intuition speaks through us by knowing what our intuition vs emotions feel like. This is why grounding and centering rituals as discussed above are so important. Being in our body helps us feel the difference between our intuition, hunger, desire, or emotions.

Next time you are hungry, tired, in pain or low energy, notice what these states feel like in your body. Where do you feel it? Does your beathing change? How do your muscles react? How does this sensation affect your thoughts and feelings?

I have noticed that when my intuition speaks, there is a feeling of ‘rightness’ and ‘yes’ experienced in my body as expansion and lightness in my heart and sometimes a little flutter in my solar plexus or sacral centre. My breathing slows and I feel at peace and in tune with the universe. This feeling tells me I am on the right track.

When I am in an emotionally anxious state, my solar plexus tightens, my shoulders rise and my breathing shortens. My thoughts start to race and I feel alone. This feeling tells me there is a personal issue to sort through.

When I am feeling hungry, my stomach growls and I become mentally fixated on food. If I try to ignore it for too long, I can become agitated and tense. Everything feels tainted with irritability. This is getting hangry, and it purely physically driven.

Your intuition will probably not feel the same as a bodily need or emotion. But it takes time to decipher the difference and how that feels for you in your unique body.

4. Trust Yourself!

This has been the hardest one for me. I am one of those people who second guesses herself, who kicks herself later for listening to logic or popular opinion instead of what I felt was right.

With time and practice, I discovered that when I followed what I thought I ‘should’ do, things turned out badly and when I followed what I intuitively felt was right, even when it went against the grain, things ultimately turned out well.

I always thought that others must know better than me and my own feelings couldn’t be trusted. But over time, my experience showed me otherwise.

Countless times in life, when it came to the little things such as taking a certain route somewhere, eating a certain food or finding a gift for someone- my inner guidance led me in the right direction. Every time I failed to listen, I would experience a negative consequence. Every time I listened, I experienced a positive one.

In life’s bigger decisions, like deciding on the best ways to parent my daughter, buying a house, continuing or ending a relationship- I listened deeply to my intuition. I took the time to ground and centre, listen to my body, and followed the same feeling I had with the smaller decisions. No regrets so far. (Except the times I didn’t listen!)

If you’re a self-doubter or second-guesser like me, it can be helpful to go back into your memory to figure out when or how you started to doubt yourself. What did peers or authorities tell you that left you feeling inadequate? Are these things true or relevant now?

Trusting ourselves is takes practice, like working a muscle over and over.

The more you practice trusting yourself instead of doubting yourself, the easier it will be to make intuitive decisions.

5. Practice, practice, practice.

As stated above, hearing our intuition is a bit like working a muscle. We need to practice. It is not an overnight feat. Sometimes it works instantly, in a flash. But being able to rely on it takes time.

So, start small. Take time to reflect on each of these 5 suggestions. Do some self-reflection. Get a grounding and centering practice going. Notice what gets you into a receptive, intuitive state. Start becoming more aware of your body’s signals and what they mean. If you have already done those things, then begin to practice with smaller, less consequential decisions- finding a parking spot, choosing a gift for someone, finding an approach for a situation at work, then try it out.

Over time it will get more obvious.

It is also helpful to value your intuition more. We are conditioned to devalue the less logical aspects of ourselves. Remember your dreams and write them down. Let yourself play and wonder like you did as a child. Entertain the idea that mermaids and unicorns might exist. What possibilities lie just outside of our usual frame of reality? How can we open more to all life is offering us?

We are more than our physical reality. We are connected by the web of life. The more we practice sensing and experiencing our interconnectedness with all life, the easier it is to tap into the wisdom of our intuition.

Do you practice listening to your intuition? Do you trust it? What helps you get into a calm and receptive state in order to hear it?

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As a Witch who makes her home and practice in Tkaronto (Toronto) Ontario, I deeply thank the original stewards of this land: The Mississaugas of the Credit, Mississaugas of Scugog, Alderville, Hiawatha & Curve Lake; The Chippewas of Beausoleil, Rama & Georgina island, the Haudenosaunee and Wendat nations. I acknowledge the resilience of the First Nation, Inuit and Metis people who live and work here in the present, in a system of inequity and oppression. I am working on uncolonising my own practice, amplifying Indigenous voices and supporting Indigenous communities in whatever way I can.

9 Healing Rituals For the Womb Space

The collective womb is on fire right now. Since Roe vs Wade being overturned, plus the plethora of patriarchal horrors happening in the US and around the world, womb-bearers, women, 2SLGBTQIA+ and IBPOC are holding alot right now. We’re holding rage, fear, anger, grief.

Our rights and boundaries are being violated.

Collectively, partriarchy has wounded generations upon generations of us for millennia now. The trauma adds up. It reverberates and echoes through us, in our hearts and bodies, never to be forgotten. It arises as pain through families, through women, through all of us. It can never be silenced, for it seeks to be transmuted and healed. Thankfully, this can be done, in many small and powerful ways.

We all have our own ways of healing and challenging the patriarchy. It is all valid and needed- whether it is sharing our stories, protesting, signing petitions, voting, healing our mother wounds, making different choices than our foremothers, parenting our children differently, or reclaiming our body, our voice, our power in various ways. All of this helps. Every little thing helps. There are witchy ways of doing this, too, through simple healing rituals which I will share in this post.

For many of us, especially those who are empathic, we process collective feminine pain as well as matrilineal ancestral pain physically in the womb and pelvic bowl.

Over the years, due to struggling with endometriosis (and its cousin, adenomyosis), I’ve discovered how my womb is a powerful barometer of my emotional and creative health, as well as that of the collective and my family tree. I know that many other womb bearers have had similar experiences.

I’ve had the pleasure of learning a plethora of ways to heal the womb space and I’d like to share some of these with you during this challenging time. To keep things succinct for a single blog post focused on witchcraft and healing, I’d like to share my most effective, accessible and simple ways of healing the womb space. These are through connecting with the element of water, movement, and creative expression.

Bridal Veil Falls, Kagawong, Manitoulin Island

All of the rituals I mention are free and mostly accessible. You can add your own personal beliefs or embellishments as you see fit!

Empathy & Collective Womb Trauma

When I heard the news about the overturning of Roe vs Wade, my womb started to cramp, twist and tighten as it normally did with menstrual cramps. This happens to me sometimes when I hear stories about sexual abuse, human trafficking, forced sterilisation, femicide or anything related to assault on vulnerable people, women, girls or womb bearers. Even if the incident isn’t happening to me directly, my womb ‘remembers’, knows and feels this pain on a deep level.

My womb hurt for those who feel trapped, who will no longer have the right to safe, accessible healthcare.  It hurt for those who miscarry, for those who’ve lost babies, for those who’ve been harmed sexually, for those who’s wombs are in chronic pain, for those who’ve suffered through abuse and trauma to this area physically and energetically.

As an empath, I am used to carrying my own issues in my tissues as well as others’ pain in my body. This is why taking care of my health as well as cleansing, protection and boundaries are necessary. 

I spent several days moving through my own feelings that were triggered by the collective, which helped to release the physical pain. I did this through several methods, but the most powerful one was through connecting with water.

Lake Ontario- my home

I sat by the lake and told her my feelings. As the waves crept up onto the shore, they stroked my heart into releasing its grief, sadness and anger. Grief over the children killed in mass shootings, grief over gender based violence, the missing and murdered Indigenous women and girls, grief as I move into a new stage as mother to an increasingly independent teen, grief for the babies I couldn’t have, grief for the ways I needed to be mothered but couldn’t be. Anger at the patriarchal powers that oppress us, anger at the constant assault on the feminine, on the earth, anger at all who betray us. The lake witnessed it all, held space for it all, reminded me that She is always there for me, for all of us, supporting us through it all.

The water helped my tears to flow, and the emotional energy left my body, relieving the physical pain.

Sometimes healing is as simple as letting something bigger hold us tenderly for a moment.

Healing with the Water Element

Kagawong, Manitoulin Island

The waters of our mother’s womb was our first home, and the oceans are our source of life on earth. Water is the element of the Great Mother, the womb, our Source of Life.

Have you ever just sat on a beach, lake, river or ocean and just felt that overwhelming sense of love, that maternal whisper that it is ok to let go? Have you ever sat by water and just cried for no apparent reason?  

I have, several times. Myself and many folks I know soften when they are by water. Lives run by patriarchy discourage softness and feeling. Softness is equated to weakness. Softness is equated to vulnerability and emotionality. Patriarchy deems these negative things. Yet our emotions must flow regularly or they become toxic and come out in harmful ways.

We need regular softening in order to feel and release our emotions. This is necessary to stay healthy in mind, body and heart. It is necessary for healing the womb space and healing the world.  

Here are some simple rituals for womb space healing with water:

  • Soak in a bath or take a cleansing shower. In the bath, fully relax and allow the water to melt away tension. Notice the feelings that come up. Allow yourself to feel them. Cry if you need to. Exhale and voice your frustration or exhaustion. Let it all go into the bath. Let it all go down the drain when you are done. Use some Epsom salts or sea salts to enhance the water’s ability to cleanse and absorb negative energy.

If you don’t have a bathtub, take a shower and feel the cleansing properties of the stream of water flow down your back. Imagine you are under a beautiful waterfall. Let it cleanse negative energy from your aura and soften your muscles. Let all the negative energy flow down the drain.

  • Visit a lake, pond, stream or ocean. Relax, either sitting or lying down near the waters edge or with your entire body in the water if that is feasible. Imagine the Great Mother energy is present in this body of water. Each wave or ripple is her love being sent out to you. She extends her heart to you. Receive her love. Surrender your cares and worries to her. Let her support you. Let her take care of you. You can imagine the waves taking your cares, worries, grief or fear away. You can remember that you are held by the Great Mother through all of this. Let any feelings that come up to flow freely.
  • Make Full Moon Water. On the night of the full moon (or the night before or after), leave out a clear jar of drinking water to be charged with moonlight. Make sure it has a lid so bugs and critters don’t get in it. Leave it out overnight to absorb the lunar energies, then bring it in in the morning. Drink your water slowly over the next few days, as a little daily ritual. Thank the Great Mother or Goddess or Source of Life as you call it. Imagine you are drinking in pure maternal love, nourishment and healing. Ask that the water nourish your cells, cleanse and heal your womb space.

Healing Through Movement & Sounding

Yoni Mudra with movement

In Yoga, the womb space is energetically connected to the Sacral Chakra, or Svadhisthana (meaning ‘one’s own abode’ in Sanskrit). One of the functions of this centre is to receive pleasure. Pleasure can come from following one’s instincts through movement or consensual or solo sexual activity. It can be accessed through a variety of sensual pleasures. Simply moving in ways that feel good to our body can be very healing to the womb space. This might be as simple as rocking back and forth, gently stretching or curling up in a fetal position. Making sounds that come naturally to us without filtering them is also helpful. Sighing, growling, yelling, releasing our emotions through sound is a powerful way to clear any stagnant emotional energies in the womb space. The womb and throat chakras are connected. The health of one influences the other.

Here are some simple rituals for womb space healing through movement & sounding:

  • Put on some music and move instinctually. Use music that helps you to relax and drop into the sensations of your body, at a tempo that feels good for you. You can begin the exercise either lying down, seated or standing. Focus on one area of the body at a time, allowing it to move how it wants to. Follow what feels good. Start with your head and neck. Then move to the shoulders and arms. Then hands. Then upper back and chest. Then your spine. Then your belly and hips. Make your way down the body, one area at a time. Move in pleasurable ways. If something doesn’t feel good, change what you’re doing. Go slower, make it smaller or shift to another area. It’s not about looking a certain way, its about following your instincts, flowing with curiosity and comfort.
  • Get vocal. Inhale for 4 counts, and exhale for 6 counts. Repeat 2 more times. Now, instead of simply exhaling, allow sound to come out naturally. This may sound like a sigh, growl, or any combination of sounds. The point is that it is authentic and unfiltered. It doesn’t need to sound pretty! It’s not for anybody else, just for you to release. The womb and throat are connected, which is why we can’t help but make sound when orgasming or giving birth. Making sound helps to create a clearer pathway between the womb and throat.
  • Release anger with movement & sound. You can do a sort of combination of the two rituals above by playing some music that reflects or activates your anger. I sometimes like to bang a drum instead of using recorded music. Once you feel the anger rising, move instinctively to release it. I do a lot of jumping up and down and intentionally shaking out the anger from my body. I shake my hands, my head, my hips. While doing all of this, make sounds! Scream, yell growl, swear! Be mindful of your surroundings, however and make sure you are safe. Be aware of any hazards in the area that could hurt you or others before you begin. Once your anger hits a peak, let yourself slow down and follow your body’s instincts towards pleasure again.

Healing Through Creative Expression

Intuitive drawing

As mentioned above, the womb and throat are the channels for our creative expression. The womb not only nourishes its creation, but births it into the world. The womb space knows how to create, nourish, release and let go. It houses the cycles of life, death and rebirth. This energy can manifest in many ways in our lives, as it is not limited to the creation and nourishment of children. It is present in all creative acts.

When we think of creativity we often think of the fine arts, music, singing, dancing, poetry, etc. However, any activity that includes manifestation of one’s authentic feelings, passion or desire is a form of creative expression. This may include gardening, cooking, creating a home, birthing and raising children, sex, building a business, making magick, creating community, etc.

Here are some simple rituals for womb space healing through creative expression:

  • Write from the womb space. I used to do this a lot with my womb healing clients and called it ‘womb writing’. Take a moment to sit quietly and do a few calming breaths. Drop into your body. Place your non-dominant hand on your lower belly and hold a pen with the other hand. Rest a notepad or journal on your lap or nearby table. Keep following your breath and relaxing your body with each exhale. Draw your awareness to your womb space. Feel the warmth of your hand on your belly. Let your womb space connect with your hand. Once you feel a connection between the two, like they can talk to each other, begin to listen.

Ask your womb space ‘How do you feel?’ and wait for an answer. Write it down with your other hand. Then ask ‘what do you need?’ Wait for the answer, then write it down. You can also just do some automatic writing while your non-dominant hand is on your lower belly. Don’t over analyse or think about it. Just write! Read it to yourself later.  Notice how it makes you feel.

  • Draw from the womb space. This is another activity I did a lot with clients. Similar to the womb writing above, except, instead of a pen, have some coloured pastels or crayons or pencils nearby. Take your time to slow your breathing and drop into your body. With one hand on your womb, wait until you feel a connection. Once you do, ask your womb ‘What do you wish to create?’ Then, follow your instincts and choose a color and begin to draw. It doesn’t have to look like anything in particular, it can be completely abstract. Again, this is not for anyone else but you. Look at it later and notice what feelings are evoked from your image.
  • Create through other mediums. What is your favourite way to express yourself? It may not be writing or drawing. Maybe it’s dance, or gardening, scrapbooking or something else? Choose whatever medium you feel drawn to, and practice the same exercises as above, linking your awareness with the womb space. Many of us more visual and perfectionistic folks can get caught up in how things look and need to remember that in these exercises, it’s the feeling behind it that matters most. But do look at it afterward- what is the essence of what is trying to come through? How does this manifest in your life?
Womb healing altar

Our womb space is a very powerful centre, with the ability to create, nourish, destroy and heal. Like this centre in our bodies, we are capable of constant transformation and rebirth. We can rise again and again from the ashes, never to be defeated.

I hope at least one of these rituals resonated with you. Do you have your own womb space healing rituals that would be helpful to others? If so, please share in the comments!

May the love of the Great Mother hold us all through these times.

Xo

Serena

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As a Witch who makes her home and practice in Tkaronto (Toronto) Ontario, I deeply thank the original stewards of this land: The Mississaugas of the Credit, Mississaugas of Scugog, Alderville, Hiawatha & Curve Lake; The Chippewas of Beausoleil, Rama & Georgina island, the Haudenosaunee and Wendat nations. I acknowledge the resilience of the First Nation, Inuit and Metis people who live and work here in the present, in a system of inequity and oppression. I am working on uncolonising my own practice, amplifying Indigenous voices and supporting Indigenous communities in whatever way I can.

Valuing Our Inner Healing Work in a Capitalist World

We live in a world where our value is measured by tangible, visible results- such as wealth, status, beauty and social media followers. Inner healing work- which primarily happens on the mental, emotional and spiritual levels, can often be some of the most challenging work we do, the most rewarding work we do and yet also the least visible and least valued.

If you are healing your childhood wounds or ancestral trauma, doing your shadow work, or living with chronic illness, I see you. If you are raising the next generation in the ways you wish you were raised or if you are helping others heal- I see you, too. Much of this work does not offer an immediate, tangible reward for our efforts. Nor can it always be translated through social media or necessarily even talked about with friends or family.

It is an act of deep courage and rebellion to heal. Colonial, capitalistic, patriarchal powers don’t care about our healing, wellness or wholeness. They only see our productive value in how well we keep the machine going. It takes a ton of energy, time, and persistence to heal the past, care for ourselves and move forward in new ways.

To let go of old stories, old selves and re-create ourselves anew is a big deal.  To go through the fires of transformation and rise from the ashes is an incredible accomplishment. These experiences that empower, strengthen, and heal us can change the entire trajectory of our life.

Our inner healing work might be the most important work we ever do. It’s the work that will matter on our death beds and the work that will reverberate through the world when we leave. What we do to liberate ourselves also liberates the generations to come.

For those of us who are parents, it is often our children that mirror to us the emotional work we need to do. Our efforts to change the patterns that affected us growing up are part of our own healing journey. We do our best helping our children grow up and we hope that in their adult years the results of our efforts might be seen. Parenting is often an invisible labour, but one that transforms lineages past and future.

Sometimes healing is noticed as subtle a change in behaviour, as a new inner lightness or deeper self-awareness and acceptance. Sometimes we have brilliant revelations or make huge steps forward. Yet, often these changes are noticed only by ourselves or those very close to us. It is important that we recognise and value how far we’ve come. It is important that we revel in the beauty of our inner growth and the enjoy the fruits of our labours.

My Healing Journey

My experience of personal healing was spurred in large part by raising my daughter, as well as my experience living with chronic pain from endometriosis.

Many years of therapy, natural medicines, surgery, medications and spiritual healing helped me process and release deep layers of pain. Self-healing became central to my life in my 20s and 30s, even though I wanted to just get on with a career, or distract myself with fun, my body wouldn’t let me. It just was not in the cards for that to be my focus. My healing had to come first, and much of it came through being a mom and having chronic illness.

I have been called to process the pain of my female child-bearing lineage, to heal through layers of sexual shame and trauma, to un-do ancestral Catholic guilt, to heal my childhood, reclaim my body, my independence, develop my Inner Mother while mothering my daughter and dealing with the many ups and downs of marriage that come along with it.

I am still doing much of this work, as healing often goes in a spiral form, and I come around to new levels of the work as time goes on.

Even though I have done and continue to do a lot of this work, I often go through bouts of self-criticism, where the internalized judge tells me I have done nothing of value. That because I have focused so much on healing, I now don’t have ‘a real job’, and I am somehow a lesser being. That there isn’t really something visible or tangible to show for it all.

Some days, I really struggle with feeling like I don’t make an impact. Alot of what I do in a day (aside from when I see clients) doesn’t give me a sense of having accomplished anything even though I am very busy working behind the scenes for my business, doing my spiritual-emotional healing or nurturing home and family.

This is all due to social conditioning, the capitalist mindset of what has value and meaning in this world.

Motherhood, emotional labour & boundaries

Mothers are still not recognised or valued for the important work we do- both on the inner levels and the contribution to humanity. On the surface, much of what a mother does looks mundane, small, and meaningless. Yet, all of those actions, including the invisible work, determine the future. Raising the next generation is no small task.

The other day, despite all my usual flea-prevention efforts, I spent 4.5 hours dealing with an infestation. I was cleaning every crevice of the house, doing endless laundry, bagging blankets and stuffed animals to control it. The house looked clean but exactly as it did the day before. If I hadn’t told my husband about it when he came home from work, he wouldn’t have noticed that I’d done anything. Thankfully, I’ve gotten the fleas under control, but it was a reminder of how invisible many of my daily tasks are.

Like many moms, and because I am a healer type, I tend to carry the emotional labour and mental load in my family and life in general.

Some days are all about helping my daughter get through a tough time, dealing with the psyches of my loved ones, healing our family dynamics or battling my inner demons.

As a nurturing type of person, I enjoy giving this energy and supporting my loved ones and friends emotionally. I know that it is much needed in this world. However, in our society, the burden falls particularly on women and feminine folks to care for the mental, emotional and physical well-being of others, often at the expense of ourselves. Emotional labour is often expected of us, rather than an option and is present in families, intimate relationships and workplaces.

This has often made me angry and this anger supported me in creating boundaries.

A lot of my healing journey has been about accepting the nurturer I am, but also training this part of me to have boundaries.

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves: Do I need more space and time to myself? Do I need to delegate? Do I need to communicate more clearly what is and isn’t ok for me now?

Sometimes we need to take a moment to recognise how important our behind the scenes work is. Just because it isn’t seen or valued, doesn’t mean it isn’t important. I would argue that it is essential. All our inner work ripples out into the world around us. All those small, undervalued actions make up the bigger picture. They help love and humanity thrive. Eventually, tangible changes are visible. It just takes some time to see it.

Measuring Success & Making an Impact

How do we measure success when it comes to our inner healing? How do we know if all the invisible emotional and spiritual work we are doing is making the impact we want it to- on the world, for future generations?

Some of it will always be impossible to see or quantify. But I believe our presence and energy makes ripples through the world, and this cannot be entirely seen. We touch the lives of those around us simply by existing. Just walking down the street, being ourselves, radiating our unique vibe, can be felt by those around us and makes a difference.

One time, I was underground on the subway platform, and I briefly caught the energy of this woman standing a couple metres away. Something about her made me think she was an older university student, (I have no idea if this was true) and it woke up this unconscious desire in me, this new sense of direction I didn’t realise was dormant within me.

About a year or so later, I decided to go to school for social work in my mid-thirties. I realized after I had graduated that my energy had changed and vibrated in a similar way to that woman on the subway.

She had awakened within me a whole journey without even making eye contact, or speaking to me. Just by existing.

You never know how your energy might affect others.

Reflect on your internal, invisible accomplishments

Think about a year ago, three years ago, ten years ago. What is different now? How have you grown? What have you survived? What small everyday things have slowly produced results? How has your inner work changed how you navigate life?

I find it helpful to make a list of my accomplishments- ones that maybe only I can appreciate as a result of my inner healing or the small acts of nurturing nobody notices.  

Below is my current ‘invisible accomplishments’ list, to remind myself that what I do matters:

  • My daughter is living and breathing, expressing herself in ways I didn’t feel I could.
  • My body now has the ability to do more than it used to.
  • I now have a deepened self-awareness and ability to care for myself.
  • I know what healthy boundaries feel like.  
  • I am less or no longer triggered by things that used to trigger me.
  • I am becoming more accepting of myself and ok with who I am every day.
  • I am able to publicly be a witch and not afraid to say I read tarot cards and do spiritual healing for a living.
  • My partner and I are still happily married after many years and ups and downs.
  • My garden is growing medicines and beautiful flowers, thanks to my care.  
  • My home is keeping us safe and nourished, thanks to my care.
  • Our family and cats are healthy thanks to my support and care.
  • Our family can laugh and joke every day, even on the bad days.

If you feel called to, try making a list for yourself!

You are sacred, and everything you do matters. You touch people’s lives around you in significant ways- even if you don’t know it or see it. You are creating a ripple effect around you and through your lineage.

We are intricately woven into the fabric of all life- through the land, sea, sky and stars. We are part of everything around us. We live and breathe in cycles of life, death, rebirth and becoming. We matter in this human life, and make a difference simply by being.

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As a Witch who makes her home and practice in Tkaronto (Toronto) Ontario, I deeply thank the original stewards of this land: The Mississaugas of the Credit, Mississaugas of Scugog, Alderville, Hiawatha & Curve Lake; The Chippewas of Beausoleil, Rama & Georgina island, the Haudenosaunee and Wendat nations. I acknowledge the resilience of the First Nation, Inuit and Metis people who live and work here in the present, in a system of inequity and oppression. I am working on uncolonising my own practice, amplifying Indigenous voices and supporting Indigenous communities in whatever way I can.

Spring Equinox Spread + Reading!

‘Tis the season of growth.

Growth can be uncomfortable, exhilarating or downright painful. It can be all of these things. Spring urges us to be brave, bold and take action on our instincts to move forward. In order to live the life we wish for, to make those dreams we incubated and flirted with through the winter come true, we need to take action to help them take hold and grow.

Sometimes this process isn’t clear- we don’t always have a strong vision on what it is we are moving towards, but we may have a sense of what has lived its purpose and smell the scent of change in the air. We may already be walking towards that new place within ourselves but haven’t even realised it or seen evidence of forward movement yet.

Like a bear emerging from its cave, we can sometimes take a while to adjust to the light, realise where we are, and what we need to do. I’m not a morning person, so I often feel the sleepy bear vibe this time of year.

In this process of emergence, we may need to say a final goodbye to something, someone or some part of us that is holding us back. It might be time to clean out the closet- literally and metaphorically. It might be time to more actively seek out what our heart has been longing for silently, in the background, while we went about our daily business of simply surviving.

In the spirit of the season, I have created a Spring Equinox Spread to help you nourish your growth process. It can be used to help you grow a specific creative idea or venture, a relationship or a new way of being within yourself. This spread can be done with your own Tarot or oracle deck. I also have done a reading for you below!

As you shuffle your deck, focus on your ‘seed’- the new venture, vision, project or aspect of yourself you wish to manifest. Feel in your heart what you long to manifest. When you are ready, lay the cards in the order below. The spread will guide you in nourishing and growing your goal!

Spring Equinox Spread
  1. Soil-This cards speaks to your foundations, the ‘soil’ your seed needs to be planted in. It shows you the nourishment requirements. It answers the question- What nourishes the roots of this goal? What foundations are required for this to work? What is needed to sustain this growth? This is the most important card in the reading, as you can’t get a healthy plant with unhappy soil or neglected roots!

2. Breaking Ground- This card shows you the approach to taking action, overcoming obstacles and moving forward. This card speaks to the process of breaking out from under the soil and reaching up. It answers the question- How can I meet the challenges to growth that I face? What action can I take now to encourage forward movement? When you face an obstacle to your goal, this card speaks to the recommended approach to dealing with it.

3. Stability- This card speaks to how to stay centered and focused on the goal. It helps you stay aligned with your purpose and inner strength. In our growth process, we might feel pulled in different directions or wonder if we are truly doing the right thing. It answers the question: How do I sometimes get off track and how can I stay on track?

4. Inner Growth- This card reflects the evolution and growth process that is happening within you. It may be what prompted this venture in the first place. It may or may not be something visible to others or even yourself. It answers the question- How am I changing? What is this venture teaching me?

5. Outer Growth- This card reflects how your inner growth is affecting your self-expression or your relationship with the outside world. How you connect with others, how you behave. It answers the question- How is my behaviour shifting from this process? How am I growing as I walk through life? How is this process affecting my relationships? This is what is visible to others.

Below is the reading I have done for you using the Goddess Power Oracle by Collette Baron-Reid, with my own interpretation:

  • Roots- Hestia- Goddess of the hearth and home Hestia is here to remind you that your seed’s roots are nourished with a strong home base. Where do you call home? Do you feel at home within yourself? Do you feel comfortable in your skin or try to run away? Do you feel nourished by your environment? It may be time to clean and beautify your space so you can function better within it. Maybe a new coat of paint, or a new colour scheme that reflects your authentic self. Or perhaps it’s time to move to a new dwelling that better reflects who you are and where you want to be. Nourish your roots and foundations by making a space that is yours. Create a physical space or an altar dedicated to to the new you or the venture you’re embarking on. Reflect the beauty of who you are and what you want in your environment. You will better manifest your goals if you have a strong home base- within yourself and around you to nourish them from.
  • Breaking Ground- Elen of the Ways- Deer goddess Elen makes us aware of patterns and shows us new pathways forward. It is easy for us to get stuck in unhealthy habits that hold back our growth. Elen is here to remind you that in order to overcome any obstacles you are facing, you need to notice your patterns and habits. If you don’t like what is in front of you, change how you’re going about things. Notice the patterns and habits you’ve created in your daily life. Are they serving your goal? Are you using your energy efficiently? Are there patterns of self-talk or self-sabotaging thoughts that prevent your forward movement? It’s time to take action by creating new pathways that serve what you are trying to manifest. Is there a path you haven’t tried yet? It may not be the well-trodden path you’re used to. Look around you and see what paths lead toward your goal. If there isn’t one, create a new one!
  • Stability- Maya- Goddess of Illusion reminds us that we need to see things as they really are instead of how we want them to be. We may go off track when we fall into wishful thinking, or see things through an outworn lens or story. This story could be of the essence of ‘poor me’ or ‘I never…’ or ‘I always…’. Or, when we invest in an illusion. Clarity is what keeps us stable, growing and on track. Get realistic and clear about your goal, your intention, what it is you are aiming towards, or your ‘plant’ will not be able to sustain itself. What illusions do you entertain around your situation? Do they serve your growth or inhibit it? What changes within you when you choose to see the situation as it is? Stay on track by looking beyond the veil of gossamer and staying present with what is.
  • Inner Growth- Freya- Goddess Freya brings the message of Radical Acceptance. Much inner growth is possible through this, when you accept yourself and your situation fully. Maybe you’ve had some disppointments, conflicts and battles and feel you’ve come out the loser. Maybe the setbacks have eroded your faith in yourself or dampened your warrior spirit. We can’t win every battle. Life inevitably leaves us scarred from our experiences. Our scars become part of what makes us who we are. We don’t need to accept cruel behaviour in our lives, but we need to accept that it happened to us and here we are now. It takes bravery and courage to accept what is. This inner shift may or may not be visible to others around you, but you will feel much lighter and at peace when you make it. This venture may spring from a newfound sense of wholeness and acceptance within yourself. It will teach you to appreciate all aspects of you.
  • Outer Growth-Shakti- Transformation- You are changing, and it this is reflected in your relationships and how you relate to others. The life force generated from this growth process will radiate through you in new ways, drawing new connections to you. You may surprise people around you with your energy. It is shifting every day, and you may feel a bit awkward sometimes. Just keep trusting that this change is needed and part of your growth process. You are reaching out to the world and changing everything you touch with a bit of magick. You are a divine being full of creative power to change the world. This this is beginning to radiate outward and will transform your life in many ways. Your growth serves as a way to transform the lives of others. You are transforming the world around you simply by being yourself.

Your growth and renewal is imminent, but like anything in nature- it is a process. Be patient with it, and trust that while sometimes we can grow in leaps and bounds, it most often happens one step at a time.

This Spring Equinox/Alban Eiler/Ostara, may you see with clarity, as the dark and light are in balance. May you thrive and grow in beauty and strength.

Blessed Be,

Serena

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As a Witch who makes her home and practice in Tkaronto (Toronto) Ontario, I deeply thank the original stewards of this land: The Mississaugas of the Credit, Mississaugas of Scugog, Alderville, Hiawatha & Curve Lake; The Chippewas of Beausoleil, Rama & Georgina island, the Haudenosaunee and Wendat nations. I acknowledge the resilience of the First Nation, Inuit and Metis people who live and work here in the present, in a system of inequity and oppression. I am working on uncolonising my own practice, amplifying Indigenous voices and supporting Indigenous communities in whatever way I can.

Oh My Goddess, I’m 40!

As I near my 40th birthday, I have been taking stock of my path over the years, and how my relationship with the Goddess has changed.

In many ways, it hasn’t changed, but my embodied experience of her has.

The Goddess’ energies of Maiden, Mother, Enchantress and Crone have danced in my life in many ways at different times in my life. I noticed each aspect holds a unique experience of embodiment for me.

Stages of Life

I feel the energies of Maiden, Mother, Enchantress & Crone can be experienced by anyone at any stage of life. Generally though, there are lessons pertaining to each aspect of the Goddess during specific stages in our lives. We may experience these aspects more physically, emotionally or psychologically.

From Georgina Catling’s Yoni Oracle Deck

It is a rough estimate, but generally our ‘Maiden’ years range from our teens to late twenties. This is where we are experimenting, finding ourselves, placing our own self-discovery and independence to the forefront. We may resonate with a Goddess who expresses these qualities of independence and adventurousness at this time of life.

Our ‘Mother’ years may span from the late twenties to early fourties. This is the stage where our focus is on nurturing relationships, creative projects, careers and/or family. We may connect with a Goddess who expresses these nurturing and creative qualities at this time of our life.

Our ‘Enchantress years may span anywhere between the late thirties to late fifties. This is about magic, transformation and authenticity, a time where we often need to reasses our life and make changes that reflect who we really are. We may find a Goddess at this stage who helps us to navigate change at this time.

The ‘Crone’ years may begin around 60 and beyond. This time is about embodying wisdom, acceptance, cultivating our spirituality and inner peace. A goddess who helps support this within us may resonate at this time.

I feel it is possible that any type of goddess can show themselves at any time in our lives that we need them and their lessons and gifts. They don’t have to follow the pattern I outlined above. My experience did not follow the pattern, exactly.

This is a little bit about my journey, which centres on the physical, embodied experience I’ve had in relation to these different aspects of the Goddess…

Maiden- Finding Her

In my early 20s, my sense of the Goddess was outside of myself. At first, she was elusive, an energy that I was trying to find within myself but struggled to connect with. At that age, due to social conditioning, I felt my body was not my own. Representations of the feminine who I was supposed to emulate and look to for guidance were either hypersexualized or repressively ‘virginal’. I did not know or feel that I was Goddess-like or even wanted to connect with her.

Then I started to feel a connection to the Goddess through her guise as Earth Mother, which made her more tangible and real to me. I felt her whenever I was in nature. Her imperfections helped me feel at ease with my own. I felt I could rest in her arms if I needed. I felt I could connect my body to hers. I could see her everywhere, and feel the healing balm of her stability, nurturance and beauty wherever I was.

A Cedar’s womb

I was practicing and teaching yoga at this time. I found myself subtly weaving my relationship to the Earth Mother into my practice and my classes. Yoga helped me to reclaim my own body and worthiness. This naturally fit with my relationship with the Earth Goddess. In an attempt to be more in tune with nature, I went off the pill and my natural cycles began, but they were extremely painful and debilitating.

The Earth Mother expression of the Goddess served as a calming tonic to my womb troubles, which weren’t so bad, at first. I began to consciously construct a practice around this. I was drawn to pagan books and began to learn more about witchcraft, the goddess, following moon cycles and celebrating the seasons. Doing this helped me reclaim my cyclical nature and see the reflection of the earth and cosmos within my body, even though my cyclical experience was sometimes painful.

I soon found I was also drawn to a darker aspect of the goddess- the ones who help us go through the underworld. Goddesses like Inanna, Kali, and Persephone resonated.

My womb pain began to increase steadily despite the support of the Earth Mother. I did not know at this time that I had endometriosis. I took up bellydancing and followed my instincts to dance and use movement as a pain-transmuting practice. I found a balance between the deep, transformative, Dark Goddess and the grounding, gentle Earth Mother Goddess. I honored these aspects of her nature through movement, dance and natural forms of healing.

Me dancing in the forest

Mother- Embodying Her

At age 25 I became pregnant. It felt that this was a new stage in my relationship with Goddess. It was a very embodied experience of her energy, and specifically her power. My pregnancy and birth went well. The strength of a warrior is needed to become a mother, and I felt a new level of embodied feminine strength and fierceness through this new role.

We always think of the Mother in her nurturing aspect as gentle- baking cookies, cuddles and soothing words or lullabies, however she is also the fierce protective mama bear who would kill to protect her child and die for them.

I cherished and honored the ability to carry life and birth my daughter. I was so lucky to be able to conceive and give birth with my condition. I was blessed with an amazing child. But like for any mother, the intense self-sacrifice necessary to raise a child began to wear on my body and soul.

Me & my daughter 2009

It came time to take back some of my sovereignty and independence in order to balance this intensely giving energy.

Around 30, my womb health began worsening quickly and steadily. I was tired, anemic and in pain much of the time. I was struggling, taking evening classes, studying to be a natural health pracititoner. I was trying to build an avenue of work for myself while also being at home with my daughter. My body, however, was telling me I needed to get more serious about my womb health.

I eventually developed endometriomas (endometriosis-related cysts) on my ovaries and became so debilitated I could no longer walk or go to the bathroom without intense pain. My mental health suffered as I swung between anxiety and depression. After years of trying all forms of natural healing modalities and spending hundreds of dollars on natural health practitioners, I realised I had to take this condition more seriously. In my early 30s my doctor sent me to see a specialist and finally get surgery.

It was around this time that I was called into relationship with the Egyptian goddess Isis.  Goddess of magick, motherhood and healing. She is also a Queen, her name meaning ‘She of the throne’.  She was with me to help me reclaim my sovereignty, and to heal my womb.

From Marashinsky & Janto’s The Goddess Oracle deck

Isis was always quickly at my side to bring me relief when I needed it. I remember one night I was in severe pain. (My endo pain was often worse than my labour pains.) This was one of those times I wasn’t sure if I could make it through. I called on Isis to please heal the pain. I felt/saw her merge with me. My body began to shake vigorously until the pain subsided completely. I went to sleep peacefully.

I developed a faith in Isis that was strong, tangible and powerful. She reminded me that I could heal. She also helped me reclaim my inner sovereignty as mother and wife- she told me that I could hold love and boundaries in my heart at the same time. This was a new concept for me, but essential to learning to take care of myself.

At age 33, I finally had my surgery for stage 4 endometriosis. I felt so much relief, but still had some pain and bleeding issues, which were likely related to adenomyosis, a cousin to my condition. I had to take medication to keep the severe pain and bleeding from returning.

Enchantress- Deepening Into Her

In my mid-thirties, my relationship with Isis went into the background and I found myself in situations that tested this newfound embodied ease and integrity that came with no longer being in chronic pain.

My medication kept me much more mentally stable and I was able to see with more clarity and calm what I wanted and needed. My daughter was older and more independent. I had a lot more energy at my disposal. I had newfound confidence in taking charge of my life. I saw clearly what needed to change.

Irish battle goddess the Morrighan came to me in these years, passing me her sword to cut unhealthy ties and habits from my life. She was a force to be reckoned with. Working with her changed me deeply. She showed up whenever I felt intense fear, vulnerability or needed to stand up for myself.

The Morrighan

The Morrighan is a goddess I would classify as having strong transformational ‘enchantress’ energy, and she showed up when I started to feel a deeper need for authenticity and authority in my life. My marriage went through a deep restructuring at this time, and thankfully it survived.  My relationship with family and friends also met with this sword. The Morrighan helped me set boundaries and value self-protection. I learned how to honor myself and create what I wanted instead of being a victim.

Without the limits of pain on my mobility, I began to run, lift weights and build muscle, coinciding with the internal strength I was developing. The Morrighan helped me embody a new level of fitness, fierceness and inner sovereignty. This felt a necessary experience in order to navigate the Enchantress years- which are all about transformation. This is the stage of life I feel I have been slowly entering.

Crone- Becoming Her

I am not in my Crone phase of life yet, but Cerridwen, most often depicted as a Crone goddess, has made herself a strong guide for me in the last couple years.

Cerridwen first made herself tangible to me when we went on a trip to southern Wales in 2019. On that trip our daily plans kept shifting due to weather, unforeseen closures and other nudges from the universe. We ended up wandering into the most beautiful, unexpected and quiet places.

Yews at Capel-Y-Ffin, Brecon Beacons, Wales.

It was these quiet moments at wells, caves, and in Yew groves where I felt an aspect of the Goddess that was deeply needed. A deep, ancient, wise grandmotherly energy. A mystical, all-encompassing , dark feminine energy that I still can’t fully describe. It feels like coming home to my soul.

My meditations at that time kept bringing me to sea caves and the shores of a beautiful lake, where a wise, older woman was always stirring her cauldron. She was simply there, waiting for me to visit. She would let me release what I needed into the cauldron, or she would share a bowlful of something from it to nourish me. Sometimes she wanted me to peer into it and simply ‘see’, or scry.

It wasn’t until some months later that I realised this was Cerridwen calling me, which coincided with the pandemic.

Cerridwen has an energy that helps me to surrender and embrace necessary endings in life. This has been helpful through all the chaos and uncertainty of the pandemic.

My relationship with Cerridwen has been like the calm eye in the middle of the storm. It helps to centre me, as well as let go of my attachment to how I want things to be. She dissolves these things in her cauldron, asking me to open to her deep, wise presence within me.

My painting of Cerridwen

For the last few years, my medication has caused several symptoms mimicking peri-menopause and menopause. These complaints are minor compared to the intensity of the pain I used to have, so I am very grateful and accepting of this. But it hasn’t always been easy, as I am not quite peri-menopausal yet.

The combination of this somewhat menopausal experience in my body, understanding chronic pain, raising a teenager and being married to an older man, means I sometimes feel I have more in common with women older than me than women my own age.

While later than previous generations, many folks my age are just settling down and starting a family now, or maybe just starting to feel the body’s limitations creeping in. Caring for their aging partner may not have crossed their mind yet.

Aging is something I hope to do gracefully and well. Something I will accept more and more with time. There are lovely older women in my life that I admire. I hope to carry Cerridwen’s Crone wisdom with me into the future, navigating my Enchantress years with her .

For now, I honour all the ways in which the Goddess has danced with me and continues to teach me.

How do you feel you embody Goddess energy? Is it something that has changed over time? How has your relationship with Goddess and your body changed as you grow older?

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As a Witch who makes her home and practice in Tkaronto (Toronto) Ontario, I deeply thank the original stewards of this land: The Mississaugas of the Credit, Mississaugas of Scugog, Alderville, Hiawatha & Curve Lake; The Chippewas of Beausoleil, Rama & Georgina island, the Haudenosaunee and Wendat nations. I acknowledge the resilience of the First Nation, Inuit and Metis people who live and work here in the present, in a system of inequity and oppression. I am working on uncolonising my own practice, amplifying Indigenous voices and supporting Indigenous communities in whatever way I can.