Cerridwen- Mother of Awen – The Cauldron Goddess

The Fertile Darkness- Dwelling in the Dark Womb

The Fertile Darkness- Dwelling in the Dark Womb

We live in a world obsessed with growth, light and productivity. Capitalist conditioning runs deep within our bones, urging us to behave like a machine rather than a fleshy, sensitive human that requires rest in mind, heart, body and soul.

There is rarely an allowance for receiving, waiting, or incubating. There isn’t much room for uncertainty or mystery. We must always be ‘on’ rather than flow with our creative cycles, which have dormant periods and transitional spaces.

Nature teaches us that growth is a cyclical process with distinctly different phases. While I’ve been facilitating circles and centering my work around these teachings for years, the phase I feel is most important to focus on is the dark season, which we are in now.

The dark season is here to show us how darkness is a source of massive creative potential, healing, and inspiration.

The dark time of year, specifically this time nearing Solstice, the seemingly fallow ‘death’ phase of late autumn/winter, corresponds to the dark moon, old age, the Crone archetype, and the Dark Goddess. In addition to it being an earthly season, it is also an inner season that we may experience for varying lengths of time, during periods of personal transformation, loss, creative dry spells, natural aging or moving from one phase of life to another.

This is the aspect of life I feel we most need to collectively reclaim, and explore in our personal lives, as we typically resist it. It is not inherently negative; we have just been conditioned to think of it as such.

Darkness dwells in us all, and the Dark Goddess teaches us that this is a place of fertility, magick, beauty and mystery within us. It is where our potency and power lie. But we must be willing to do the work of unraveling our conditioning to access its gifts.

Rather than running or numbing out the discomfort of difficult emotions or being in a fallow phase, it is much more empowering to embrace it.

Our darkness may show up when we’re triggered emotionally, when we meet with shadow aspects of ourselves, through life changes or loss. These times can trigger fear, anxiety, ‘fight, flight or freeze’ responses in us.

Perhaps something has ended, and we just want to rush into the next thing- like a rebound relationship, job, or activity. Or perhaps we simply feel stuck or frozen in the status quo as we resist acknowledging it.

We may reach for our favourite numbing agent or try to escape by traveling or distraction. This is fine and human. But the feelings will likely just come back again in the future, as things are cyclic, so we might as well use the opportunity to grow.

If we practice embracing the darkness, the uncertainty, the grief or the fear and shame- if we feel the feelings, sit with the discomfort rather than running or numbing, we actually evolve, learn and heal.

Embracing the darkness begets growth.

Nature’s Teachings on Dormancy

Currently, the weather is getting colder, the sky darker, and it seems as though everything is dying around us or going to sleep. But this is a crucial stage of growth and magick happening behind the scenes.

Many seeds require several months of dark, cold dormancy for them to take root. This is why we plant tulip bulbs in autumn, as they need the dormant period first, to grow in spring. Some seeds take weeks, months or even as long as 50 years of dormancy before sprouting!

Dormancy is not death. It is a waiting period of transformation and uncertainty. This ‘not-knowing’ makes us uncomfortable, as we are conditioned to always have a sense of clarity on where we are going, but the reality is, much of the time life just doesn’t go how we imagine it would or how we want it to.

The dark dormancy period may last a short while or a very long time. It is a mysterious, magickal, fertile stage. It’s where one could say life truly begins. It is where energetic potential and physical potential slowly merge and mingle, doing the actual work that begets visible growth. This is where the roots grow, drawing nourishment into the seed that will one day sprout and grow into a beautiful plant. Even if it seems not much is happening, a lot is. New foundations are forming.

Tending to our Roots

Roots are the most important part of a plant, but grow downwards, not upwards. They’re not always visible to the outside world, but they are essential. We humans are like plants, and tending our roots is a tender, sacred, vulnerable act.

Like plants, so much that is essential for our own well-being and growth goes on beneath the surface and lies within our roots. Our roots are connected to our foundations in life- childhood, home life, family and ancestry, our spiritual beliefs, values, and of course in our physical body. They are found in the basic building blocks of who we are.

When we get triggered, or feel low or in pain, it can be wise to follow the feeling down to its roots. We can follow it into our body, into our childhoods, beliefs or even our ancestral inheritance.

Once we find the root of something, we can bring a tender loving energy towards it and then the pain it holds will lessen. The pattern shifts. This inner work is transformative, healing and has impact not only on us but all those connected to us. It is one of the gifts the darkness brings us- Stronger, healthier roots, which help us personally and collectively thrive in the future.

The Importance of Rest and Retreat

We all began in the darkness of the womb. Our instincts know on a deep level that darkness and retreat are required for living life. As humans, we spend about one third of our lives sleeping! This is our daily dose of resting in the dark womb.

During the dark season we require more sleep, more solitude, more time in the dark womb.

In the dark times of our lives, we often feel this pull by our soul. Just like our body gets exhausted at the end of the day, our soul gets weary over time and longs to come home. Our soul requires rest and renewal too.

When we feel we are going through a dark or fallow period in our life, it is often because an old part of ourselves is changing and a new part of ourselves is taking root. This requires a lot of energy and can make us feel weary and tired.

We may feel disoriented, confused, like everything around us is dissolving. We don’t know what to do next, or how to manage or control the situation. A relationship, project or dream dear to us dissolves. Things end, and we may be carrying grief, confusion, frustration or give up hope as we descend into what seems like a dark chasm, meeting a void of nothingness, as we cannot see ahead or even understand where we are now.

But in these times, we are in the Dark Womb of the Great Mother, or The Dark Goddess. We are held by Her warmth, and by the grace of Her Mystery. We are beneath the soil, letting go of our previous form, to become something new and beautiful.

Like the tulip bulb, our growth can only happen if we are willing to surrender and rest in the darkness for as long as is necessary. We must trust in the process, let go of our need to control it, and have the courage to be present to the magick unfolding, as quiet or subtle as it seems.

The Art of Surrender

While the process of transformation often requires surrender, I don’t think of surrender as passive or powerless. Surrender, I am discovering is quite an art. It requires our active participation and presence. It may require extrapolating our perception of surrender from powerlessness, which for some of us go hand in hand.

When in a process of change, we are meant to surrender by letting go of certain conditioned habits, stories about ourselves or ways of doing things that are holding us back. Often the resistance to change is more painful than the change itself.

Surrendering doesn’t mean we do absolutely nothing, give our power away or self-victimize. It means we consciously soften into a new way of being that our soul is longing for. When we choose to soften into our soul’s longing, stay present with all that are feeling, and accept all that we are experiencing, we are practicing the art of surrender. This is a courageous act.

In times of darkness, it often means we are simply taking root. We are incubating a new birth. We are meant to trust the process, and trust that we will know when it’s time to come up into the light of day again.

How to Embrace the Darkness as Your Ally

If you feel called to work with the darkness this season or anytime in your life you feel in a dark period, here are some practices to work with:

-Turn the lights off completely or light a single candle as you just sit in the darkness as a nightly ritual. You may wish to do this while you relax in the bath, or at your altar, or sitting up in bed before going to sleep. Rather than reaching for your phone or another activity to ‘unwind’, try just letting the darkness enfold you, and imagine it holding you like a mother. Feel its peace.

What feelings come up for you when you sit in the dark?

-Go for a nighttime walk. Perhaps you already walk in the dark with your dog in the evening or just coming home after work, but instead of it being routine, let it be an intentional, sacred walk for your heart and soul. Look up at the stars and moon. Feel the energy of the trees whispering in the night, notice the night creatures- raccoons, cats, possums, bats and the nightlife that surrounds you.

What feels different when you walk at night vs in the daytime?

-Get to know a Dark Goddess and work with Her. What makes a goddess ‘dark’? She may be associated with harsh weather such as winter, storms, wind or cold. She may also be associated with war, strife, or death. She may be associated with transformation, nighttime, old age, wisdom, or healing. Dark goddesses’ myths may depict them in frightening ways; however, they are often the strongest, most protective and healing goddesses that come to help us when we are going through the most difficult times in our lives. Some examples are: Hecate, Persephone, Medusa, Nyx, Kali, Sekhmet, Nepthys, Nut, Ereshkigal, Lillith, Hel, Pele, Baba Yaga, Cerridwen, The Morrigan, An Cailleach.

Is there a Dark Goddess you are drawn to? How might her story or personality reflect your own?

-Go to bed earlier and pay attention to your dreams. The longer we sleep the better chance we will have more dreams to remember! Often our dreams communicate to us the truth about how we are feeling, and deeper wisdom coming from our Spirit and Guides about our life. Keep a dream journal. Notice how you feel when you awaken.

What emotions or symbols come up in your dreams? How do you feel when you get more sleep?

-Practice acceptance and the art of surrender. What part of your life is asking you to soften and change? Is there something that you need to accept but are resisting? Perhaps there are signs in your life that something has come to an end or needs to shift for greater well-being. What isn’t worth fighting anymore? One way to embody surrender is to move your body. Put on some music you enjoy and move in whatever way feels good. This can help prevent us from getting stuck or rigid and open to ways of being.

Where in your body can you invite in some more softness, gentleness or acceptance?

May your journey through this dark season be rich with healing, rest and the love and protection of the Dark Womb and the Dark Goddess.

Serena

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Heeding the Call Inward at Equinox

Autumn calls us inward, urging us to release that which we no longer need, and gather what sustains and nourishes us for winter. Autumn is not only a season outside of us, but an inner season as well- one that favors deep spiritual renewal and growth.

As we descend from the lighter half of the year into the darker half, we are invited to tend to aspects of ourselves we may have neglected over the summer months. We can integrate shadow parts that may have cropped up into our awareness, as well as discover hidden seeds of wisdom and new creative beginnings within our soul.

Like the acorns that fall from the oak to the ground now, creative ‘seeds’ are planted in our energetic womb for incubation, growth and birth in the light half of the year.

This is where it’s important to slow down so we can hear our inner voice, sense the deep longings of our soul, and allow for these seeds to find fertile ground within.

What has been whispering for your attention lately? Is there a part of you that perhaps has been neglected, forgotten, or simply not given a voice?

As we prepare for the inner journey, we must pack light. We don’t want to carry any burdensome energy drains with us into winter. This is the season to lighten our load, simplify and release. Let our emotions bubble up and into our consciousness to be transformed. Let any excess be composted into the soil. Create space.

What are you carrying on with that is draining your energy? What can you let go of to lighten your load? Can you simply sit and be with your feelings?

We are invited to be open, embrace change, cry, grieve, to feel it all and let it move through us; To enter the realm of mystery, shadow, longing, and hidden gems of passion that we’ve forgotten.

A cool breeze can awaken new inspiration or a jolt of clarity on your daily walk. The falling leaves may bring up an old grief or a reminder of the fleeting nature of life.

Rather than trying to cling onto the familiar or hold rigid to ideals and old habits, autumn teaches us to simply allow things to shift and flow into their new form.

Surrender is our superpower. Gratitude is our anchor.

Gratitude & Grief- They Go Hand in Hand

Autumn Equinox is also called ‘Witches’ Thanksgiving’, as it is the harvest season. It is a time of gratitude for the abundance of the Earth Mother, for the support we have in our lives, for all the good things, big and small.

The harvest season can be a time where we reap what we have sown in our own lives- projects, relationships, personal growth etc. We can reflect on our efforts of the last several months, notice what has bloomed and produced, as well as what didn’t.

We may have grief to process, and an awareness of what we need to accept or let go of, existing alongside gratitude for what we have lost, as well as what we still have. While seemingly odd bedfellows, grief and gratitude go hand in hand.

Gratitude often helps us flow through grief. Gratitude can act as an anchor for us during times of change, reminding us that we are taken care of and loved even when things feel chaotic or challenging.

After a very hot, chaotic summer, I am even more grateful than usual to be at this point in the Seasonal Wheel. It’s been a busy time of obstacles and setbacks in most areas of my life- work, home, relationships and personally. It’s been a year of disappointments, frustrations and waves of burnout for me, accompanied by lots of shadow work. To be honest, I’m pretty exhausted. Yet, each day, taking time to feel gratitude is helping my energy come back. Focusing on the love and abundance in my life shifts me out of negative thinking patterns around what didn’t work out and what is naturally ending.

I’ve been making a point of walking more and simply taking in the beauty around me. The cooler air has been a harbinger of clarity and renewal. A reminder that new seeds are awaiting, and my spirit is calling me on an inner journey.

What do you feel grateful for?

The Power of Pause

Over the summer, I was keenly aware of my need for darkness, coolness and quiet. As is typical for me in summer, I slept terribly, didn’t have much alone time, and operated mostly in survival mode, as I don’t do well in hot weather and excessive sunlight. (I’m more of a night plant or winter-bloomer!)

I knew I needed to have that quiet space to hear my spirit speaking. But as I often do, I let life’s busy-ness override that need. I kept putting it on the backburner- knowing I’d have more time later.

Now that it is later, I have the time, but I’ve really had to coax myself to slow down and allow for the necessary pause. It’s been a practice working on letting go of the need to fill free moments and instead hold space for my spiritual renewal.

Energy seeks to fill empty space, so it is important to open to receiving what you need, while having an intention. In my case, I wanted to hear what my spiritual life was asking of me. So, I opened to that, and almost immediately, my spirit whispered to me my next steps, which was to take an upcoming course on Welsh Goddesses and to continue learning on my path of Welsh Witchcraft.

What has your soul been calling for? What can you shift in your daily life to honor that?

Nurturing Boundaries for Energetic Health & Integrity

Over the last two years with The Cauldron Goddess, I have found it challenging to balance creating spiritual content and offerings while also tending to my own spiritual needs.

My spiritual path is very personal and dear to me, and there is pressure these days to share everything all the time, with the public, constantly, which I feel is unnatural and invasive. Also, as an introvert, I don’t get the dopamine hits extroverts do off social media. I find it exhaustingly inauthentic, and irritatingly manipulative of people’s desires for validation and attention.

Leading an online existence is draining for me. So, I have paused posting online and drastically lowered my social media scrolling for several weeks now and I am much better for it! Reclaiming my spiritual need for privacy, living in the moment and experiencing life in 3D has been a positive shift. These boundaries have helped me feel more nourished by my spiritual practice, and more relaxed in general.

I will still post online and share in my blog, but only on my own terms, rather than in service of an algorithm or social pressure to be a content-machine. I will decide what and when to post based on how authentic it feels to me.

Are there boundaries you’d like to create to support your energy or personal integrity at this time?

Letting our Harvest Ripen in its Natural Timing

When it comes to spirituality, I like to take my time, years in fact, to fully digest what I learn and experience before sharing it with others, especially if it’s in any type of ‘teaching’ capacity.

Over the last few years, I have been learning Welsh, studying The Mabinogi and learning from Welsh Witches, Druids and scholars in the ways accessible to me. I went on pilgrimage to Wales, am learning about Celtic history and have been keeping a consistent practice in devotion to the Goddess Cerridwen. There has been a lot of inner growth and change related to this, however, I rarely share my experiences in these matters publicly, despite the name of my blog and social media pages!

This is because my sense of spiritual integrity demands time for integration and ripening. Boundaries and privacy are necessary to allow that ripening of creativity and wisdom. Sharing unripe fruit with others not only tastes bad but can cause indigestion.

I’ll only share something when it’s ripe and ready. Everything I share is something I have been working with for some time already, (years), and feel confident about.

My recent reflections have made it clear that I need to focus more on my own path for a bit so I can bring new insight and offerings to The Cauldron Goddess. If you hear from me a bit less, that is why. But I encourage you to stay tuned, as I will bring any ripe fruit to the table from my harvest!

In the meantime, I continue to trust in life’s natural cycles, and urge you to do the same, even when in a difficult season or phase. The wheel only keeps turning and each turn brings us new experiences, wisdom and inspiration. Every plant has its own timing in which it flowers or bears fruit. Some plants bloom only at night, and some only produce colourful berries in winter.

There is no such thing as a barren season. Every phase has its fruit- whether on an inner level or an outer one. You only need to tune into your unique cycles.

What is ripening in your life? What still needs some time before harvesting? What is going to seed? Can you patiently embrace this phase for what it is?

I wish you much love, healing and gratitude during this harvest season. May whatever phase you find yourself in bring you into deeper wisdom and inner sovereignty. May you enjoy your unique bounty to its fullest!

*If you’d like to read my post from last year’s Fall Equinox on Dancing with Our Shadow in Relationships, please read it here: https://thecauldrongoddess.ca/2022/09/30/dancing-with-our-shadow-in-relationships/

Thankyou for reading,

Serena

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As a Witch who makes her home and practice in Tkaronto (Toronto) Ontario, I deeply thank the original stewards of this land: The Mississaugas of the Credit, Mississaugas of Scugog, Alderville, Hiawatha & Curve Lake; The Chippewas of Beausoleil, Rama & Georgina island, the Haudenosaunee and Wendat nations. I acknowledge the resilience of the First Nation, Inuit and Metis people who live and work here in the present, in a system of inequity and oppression. I am working on uncolonising my own practice, amplifying Indigenous voices and supporting Indigenous communities in whatever way I can.

The Cauldron- Sacred Symbol & Tool of the Witch

What comes to mind when you see a cauldron? Witches casting spells, a bubbling potion, or perhaps a hearty stew cooking over a fire? The cauldron is historically both a very mundane and mystical object that continues to be a powerful symbol of many things. It is one of my favourite tools as a Witch and a representation of my practice and path.

In celebration of The Cauldron Goddess’ birthday month (we are one year old!), I thought I’d share a bit about my own reflections and experiences with the cauldron- as a symbol and sacred tool of the Witch.

The Hearth & Cooking

At its most mundane, the cauldron is a cooking pot. A staple of our ancestors far and wide, this portable and durable vessel has served humanity for generations, providing nourishment, and sustaining life.

The pot cooking over the fire conjures deep memories of comfort, warmth, family, and home. It is for this reason that the cauldron is a strong symbol of the hearth. For nomadic peoples, I imagine the cauldron felt like an anchor of home while on the move. For those rooted to place, the cauldron held a central position to the home and served as faithful provider of nourishment and comfort.

The cauldron is the container where raw, unintegrated ingredients come together to create something delicious and sustaining for our work and growth. Cooking may seem very mundane yet cooking always involves a transformation of energy and materials. There is creative energy and magick weaved into the process.

Cooking has historically been deemed ‘women’s work’ because of its nurturing and domestic properties. Patriarchy has devalued these qualities and therefore the healing or magickal aspects of cooking are less valued than its artistic or competitive forms. There are currently so many competitive cooking shows taking centre stage, that it almost seems that for this ‘woman’s work’ to be valued, it must fit into the capitalistic/patriarchal paradigm, along with other art forms that have become more about competition than soul-nourishment and love.

There’s nothing wrong with refining one’s skills, of course. But, I suppose I think of cooking as something soulful, as our original magick, the mother of all rituals and witchcraft. It is where one thing becomes another and serves to heal and nourish us. We can add intentions, prayers, healing herbs and energy medicine into our culinary creations. There is power in the cauldron. It is here where we can connect the cauldron to the Witch.

The Witch

The Witch is the one who nourishes and sustains life, who heals and transforms, who makes magick and serves their family and community.

Healing and Witchcraft are deeply intertwined. Through history, the village Wise Woman was the healer and midwife everyone would call on when ill or in labor. With the influence of patriarchy, colonization and modern medicine, folks who followed the old ways, the Wise Woman ways were punished, ostracized or even killed. They twisted the healing, life sustaining Wise Woman into something evil, a repulsive and fearful death-bringer or spirit of chaos- a ‘Witch’ in the negative sense of the word. Yet the Witch is and always was simply a Healer. The word Witch is connected to ‘wit’ and wisdom, implying that witches were also sacred knowledge keepers.

Women’s power as healers and community leaders has been diminished over centuries and we are still in the process of reclaiming this power within ourselves. For me, using the cauldron is one way that I reclaim my power as Witch and Healer.

The cauldron remains a powerful symbol of healing and witchcraft to the modern psyche. Since we don’t use cauldrons much anymore, it also represents something ancient and mysterious from the past. We associate it with spells, potions, witches and some other mysterious things related to the sacred feminine…

The Womb & Creativity

The cauldron can be seen as representing the Mother energy. It contains, nourishes, sustains, and protects the creation within it. The pagan chant ‘one thing becomes another, in the mother, in the mother’ is one of my favourites to chant over my cauldron as I make a brew or do a spell. The cauldron is resonant with the womb, as a vessel of nourishment and protection of new life.

Within our womb space, in our pelvic bowl lies the energy of creation. Our sensual, sexual energy and our creative ‘flow’ stem from here, whether or not we have a physical womb. Those of us with wombs can also physically carry life here.

The pelvic bowl is very much like our own physical cauldron which holds our creative power.

An Embodied Cauldron Practice

In the Irish bardic poem, ‘The Cauldron of Poesy’, three internal cauldrons found within the body are referenced. The Cauldron of Warming, the Cauldron of Motion, and the Cauldron of Wisdom. I created my own personal grounding practice with these 3 cauldrons, even before I had heard of this poem, so I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered it.

The Cauldron of Warming sits within our pelvic bowl, where our creative ‘fuel’ resides. I like to think of this cauldron sitting within my pelvic bowl with its 3 legs energetically reaching to the earth like roots from my sitz bones and coccyx. I meditate on this cauldron, imagining its contents as fluid creative energies within me. I notice if they are stagnant, clouded, toxic or flowing, vibrant and well. I feel my connection the Earth Mother and imagine that healing energy flowing through my cauldron. I chant ‘oooohhh’ here, while connecting to the energies of the land. Chanting helps to transmute any negative energies.

The Cauldron of Motion sits in the heart centre. Here, we experience what ‘moves’ us, such as art, poetry, music, love, relationships, sorrow, and grief. I imagine this cauldron’s legs energetically connected to the cauldron below it, and its contents fluid again. Ideally, the energies flow clearly and vibrate with love. Chanting helps to transmute the energy. I chant ‘eeeeee’ here while connecting to the energies of water and sea. The combination of ‘ooohhh’, ‘eeee’ and ‘oooo’ sounds are one way to connect with the Awen- the Divine inspiration that flows through all life.

The Cauldron of Wisdom sits within or atop the head, and I imagine it open, facing upward to the skies above as a direct link to Spirit and the Awen- the divine inspiration that flows through all life. I imagine it receiving inspiration from above and its contents are the energy of flowing light. I imagine my thoughts cleared and stagnant energy released. Through this meditation I become a channel for the Awen, for divine inspiration, for the healing energy of the goddess Cerridwen- my matron goddess to come through. I chant ‘oooo’ here to transmute the energies.

Doing this practice helps me to become a channel for creative energies on the physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels.

Cerridwen- The Cauldron Goddess Herself

Cerridwen is one of the main goddesses I work with, and she is the classic Witch from Welsh myth. I share her story and some of my thoughts on it here. Cerridwen is famous for her cauldron in which she brews a potion of Awen- divine inspiration and knowledge for her ugly son, Afagddu, for whom she wants a better life. The potion takes a year and a day to complete. After all this hard work it accidentally ends up going to a servant boy, Gwion, who through a process of initiation and transformation becomes the most inspirational of bards, Taliesin.

Cerridwen’s cauldron is important because her role is that of Wise Woman, Witch, Healer and Mother. Her cauldron is like an extension of herself.

When her potion went to the wrong boy, Cerridwen was quite angry her spell went awry. The cauldron cracked and broke, turning the potion to poison. Its breaking could symbolise Cerridwen’s emotions, or a forced breaking of her old self and initiation to a new level of spiritual growth. It could represent the laws of magick being broken, or the appearance of fate taking over.

Cerridwen is also an initiatrix of change and transformation. Not only does she push Gwyion to become more than he ever thought he could be, but she too, is transformed in the process.

There is much symbolism in Cerridwen’s story- about power, fate, the wise use of magick and the emotional intensity of motherhood. The cauldron can represent any of this as well.

Transformation & Rebirth

I think of the cauldron as symbolic of the transformational events in our lives. Those challenging times where we must change or be changed. Those times where we must surrender to a power greater than us to carry us forward. When we must let go of who we are to become who we are meant to be. The cauldron is like a crucible- an agent of change, transformation and rebirth. What goes in comes out as something new.

Can you think of a time in your life where you underwent deep internal changes that left you feeling like you died and were reborn? That’s a cauldron experience. I think these can also be felt as smaller and less dramatic as well, like when we are pushed out of our comfort zone and make changes to adapt.

I feel like I am undergoing some kind cauldron experience most of the time, in at least one area of my life. Some cauldron experiences are slow boiling and take time, like Cerridwen’s brew, for a year or several. Others are more fast-acting and short term.

Some cauldron life experience examples are: Undergoing an intense course or learning program where you learn new skills and change as a person; Becoming a mother or a parent; Losing a loved one and your sense of self being changed from the loss; Divorce or separation; Becoming ill; Healing from illness; Being in a relationship that tests you; Moving to a new place; Changing Careers, etc.

One thing about the cauldron is that what goes in comes out differently, in a new form. Our transformational experiences remake us anew. We are not meant to stagnate or stay the same forever.

The cauldron is the mother that pushes us to grow and become who we have the potential to be. She is also that safe container who enables us to be vulnerable while the change is happening.

I explore the relationship between the cauldron and holding safe space for healing & transformation in this post.

How to use the Cauldron as a Witch’s tool

The cauldron may not be used in everyday cooking anymore, but we can use it as a magickal tool to enhance our own personal healing and transformation. Cauldrons come in every size, from large dinner-size cauldrons to tiny purse-size cauldrons. I love them all. Here are a few ways I like to use them:

Smoke cleansing: The cauldron makes an excellent holder for herbs and resins. You can place a piece of charcoal within it and burns your smoke cleansing herbs on it or, you can place the herbs directly into the cauldron and light them. The smaller cauldrons are great for this.

Grounding practice: The cauldron is usually made of iron and therefore an excellent grounding tool. You can use it like I do in the above grounding ritual or make up your own!

Burning spells: The cauldron is a safe container to burn pieces of paper with words written on it or other objects that are part of your spells.

Scrying: The black cauldron is a perfect backdrop for scrying. Fill the cauldron with water and take your time to ground and centre before gazing into the cauldron to see visions. This works best with a medium to large cauldron.

Potions & Cooking: Use a larger cauldron to hold your potions or healing soups, the old-fashioned way. I purchased a couple of beautiful large cauldrons from Bristow Iron Works, including the stand and hooks for this purpose.

An altar in itself: The cauldron can make a wonderful keeper of sacred energy. A large cauldron can be filled with crystals, herbs, beautiful images, and objects to anchor the sacred into your space. A small cauldron makes a great travel altar- fill it with herbs and crystals to uplift your energy while away.

Salt Bowl or Centrepiece: I have used a cauldron as a salt bowl and centrepiece for my dining room table. I filled it with salt to absorb negative energies, and with herbs and crystals to help bring harmony to my dinner table.

Symbol: You can use the cauldron as a symbol on your altar, your desk or bedside table for anything we discussed in this blog- symbol of your inner Witch or Wise Woman, the womb, the sacred feminine or Mother energy, transformation & rebirth, etc. Keep it as a reminder of your magick!

If you are interested in the symbolism of the cauldron and its connections to myths, I highly recommend the book The Witch’s Cauldron, by Laura Tempest Zakroff.

What does the cauldron symbolise for you? Do you use one in your practice?

May the cauldron bring you the warmth and soul-nourishment you need in these transformational times.

Serena

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Oh My Goddess, I’m 40!

As I near my 40^th birthday, I have been taking stock of my path over the years, and how my relationship with the Goddess has changed.

In many ways, it hasn’t changed, but my embodied experience of her has.

The Goddess’ energies of Maiden, Mother, Enchantress and Crone have danced in my life in many ways at different times in my life. I noticed each aspect holds a unique experience of embodiment for me.

Stages of Life

I feel the energies of Maiden, Mother, Enchantress & Crone can be experienced by anyone at any stage of life. Generally though, there are lessons pertaining to each aspect of the Goddess during specific stages in our lives. We may experience these aspects more physically, emotionally or psychologically.

From Georgina Catling’s Yoni Oracle Deck

It is a rough estimate, but generally our ‘Maiden’ years range from our teens to late twenties. This is where we are experimenting, finding ourselves, placing our own self-discovery and independence to the forefront. We may resonate with a Goddess who expresses these qualities of independence and adventurousness at this time of life.

Our ‘Mother’ years may span from the late twenties to early fourties. This is the stage where our focus is on nurturing relationships, creative projects, careers and/or family. We may connect with a Goddess who expresses these nurturing and creative qualities at this time of our life.

Our ‘Enchantress’ years may span anywhere between the late thirties to late fifties. This is about magic, transformation and authenticity, a time where we often need to reasses our life and make changes that reflect who we really are. We may find a Goddess at this stage who helps us to navigate change at this time.

The ‘Crone’ years may begin around 60 and beyond. This time is about embodying wisdom, acceptance, cultivating our spirituality and inner peace. A goddess who helps support this within us may resonate at this time.

I feel it is possible that any type of goddess can show themselves at any time in our lives that we need them and their lessons and gifts. They don’t have to follow the pattern I outlined above. My experience did not follow the pattern, exactly.

This is a little bit about my journey, which centres on the physical, embodied experience I’ve had in relation to these different aspects of the Goddess…

Maiden- Finding Her

In my early 20s, my sense of the Goddess was outside of myself. At first, she was elusive, an energy that I was trying to find within myself but struggled to connect with. At that age, due to social conditioning, I felt my body was not my own. Representations of the feminine who I was supposed to emulate and look to for guidance were either hypersexualized or repressively ‘virginal’. I did not know or feel that I was Goddess-like or even wanted to connect with her.

Then I started to feel a connection to the Goddess through her guise as Earth Mother, which made her more tangible and real to me. I felt her whenever I was in nature. Her imperfections helped me feel at ease with my own. I felt I could rest in her arms if I needed. I felt I could connect my body to hers. I could see her everywhere, and feel the healing balm of her stability, nurturance and beauty wherever I was.

I was practicing and teaching yoga at this time. I found myself subtly weaving my relationship to the Earth Mother into my practice and my classes. Yoga helped me to reclaim my own body and worthiness. This naturally fit with my relationship with the Earth Goddess. In an attempt to be more in tune with nature, I went off the pill and my natural cycles began, but they were extremely painful and debilitating.

The Earth Mother expression of the Goddess served as a calming tonic to my womb troubles, which weren’t so bad, at first. I began to consciously construct a practice around this. I was drawn to pagan books and began to learn more about witchcraft, the goddess, following moon cycles and celebrating the seasons. Doing this helped me reclaim my cyclical nature and see the reflection of the earth and cosmos within my body, even though my cyclical experience was sometimes painful.

I soon found I was also drawn to a darker aspect of the goddess- the ones who help us go through the underworld. Goddesses like Inanna, Kali, and Persephone resonated.

My womb pain began to increase steadily despite the support of the Earth Mother. I did not know at this time that I had endometriosis. I took up bellydancing and followed my instincts to dance and use movement as a pain-transmuting practice. I found a balance between the deep, transformative, Dark Goddess and the grounding, gentle Earth Mother Goddess. I honored these aspects of her nature through movement, dance and natural forms of healing.

Mother- Embodying Her

At age 25 I became pregnant. It felt that this was a new stage in my relationship with Goddess. It was a very embodied experience of her energy, and specifically her power. My pregnancy and birth went well. The strength of a warrior is needed to become a mother, and I felt a new level of embodied feminine strength and fierceness through this new role.

We always think of the Mother in her nurturing aspect as gentle- baking cookies, cuddles and soothing words or lullabies, however she is also the fierce protective mama bear who would kill to protect her child and die for them.

I cherished and honored the ability to carry life and birth my daughter. I was so lucky to be able to conceive and give birth with my condition. I was blessed with an amazing child. But like for any mother, the intense self-sacrifice necessary to raise a child began to wear on my body and soul.

It came time to take back some of my sovereignty and independence in order to balance this intensely giving energy.

Around 30, my womb health began worsening quickly and steadily. I was tired, anemic and in pain much of the time. I was struggling, taking evening classes, studying to be a natural health pracititoner. I was trying to build an avenue of work for myself while also being at home with my daughter. My body, however, was telling me I needed to get more serious about my womb health.

I eventually developed endometriomas (endometriosis-related cysts) on my ovaries and became so debilitated I could no longer walk or go to the bathroom without intense pain. My mental health suffered as I swung between anxiety and depression. After years of trying all forms of natural healing modalities and spending hundreds of dollars on natural health practitioners, I realised I had to take this condition more seriously. In my early 30s my doctor sent me to see a specialist and finally get surgery.

It was around this time that I was called into relationship with the Egyptian goddess Isis. Goddess of magick, motherhood and healing. She is also a Queen, her name meaning ‘She of the throne’. She was with me to help me reclaim my sovereignty, and to heal my womb.

From Marashinsky & Janto’s The Goddess Oracle deck

Isis was always quickly at my side to bring me relief when I needed it. I remember one night I was in severe pain. (My endo pain was often worse than my labour pains.) This was one of those times I wasn’t sure if I could make it through. I called on Isis to please heal the pain. I felt/saw her merge with me. My body began to shake vigorously until the pain subsided completely. I went to sleep peacefully.

I developed a faith in Isis that was strong, tangible and powerful. She reminded me that I could heal. She also helped me reclaim my inner sovereignty as mother and wife- she told me that I could hold love and boundaries in my heart at the same time. This was a new concept for me, but essential to learning to take care of myself.

At age 33, I finally had my surgery for stage 4 endometriosis. I felt so much relief, but still had some pain and bleeding issues, which were likely related to adenomyosis, a cousin to my condition. I had to take medication to keep the severe pain and bleeding from returning.

Enchantress- Deepening Into Her

In my mid-thirties, my relationship with Isis went into the background and I found myself in situations that tested this newfound embodied ease and integrity that came with no longer being in chronic pain.

My medication kept me much more mentally stable and I was able to see with more clarity and calm what I wanted and needed. My daughter was older and more independent. I had a lot more energy at my disposal. I had newfound confidence in taking charge of my life. I saw clearly what needed to change.

Irish battle goddess the Morrighan came to me in these years, passing me her sword to cut unhealthy ties and habits from my life. She was a force to be reckoned with. Working with her changed me deeply. She showed up whenever I felt intense fear, vulnerability or needed to stand up for myself.

The Morrighan is a goddess I would classify as having strong transformational ‘enchantress’ energy, and she showed up when I started to feel a deeper need for authenticity and authority in my life. My marriage went through a deep restructuring at this time, and thankfully it survived. My relationship with family and friends also met with this sword. The Morrighan helped me set boundaries and value self-protection. I learned how to honor myself and create what I wanted instead of being a victim.

Without the limits of pain on my mobility, I began to run, lift weights and build muscle, coinciding with the internal strength I was developing. The Morrighan helped me embody a new level of fitness, fierceness and inner sovereignty. This felt a necessary experience in order to navigate the Enchantress years- which are all about transformation. This is the stage of life I feel I have been slowly entering.

Crone- Becoming Her

I am not in my Crone phase of life yet, but Cerridwen, most often depicted as a Crone goddess, has made herself a strong guide for me in the last couple years.

Cerridwen first made herself tangible to me when we went on a trip to southern Wales in 2019. On that trip our daily plans kept shifting due to weather, unforeseen closures and other nudges from the universe. We ended up wandering into the most beautiful, unexpected and quiet places.

Yews at Capel-Y-Ffin, Brecon Beacons, Wales.

It was these quiet moments at wells, caves, and in Yew groves where I felt an aspect of the Goddess that was deeply needed. A deep, ancient, wise grandmotherly energy. A mystical, all-encompassing , dark feminine energy that I still can’t fully describe. It feels like coming home to my soul.

My meditations at that time kept bringing me to sea caves and the shores of a beautiful lake, where a wise, older woman was always stirring her cauldron. She was simply there, waiting for me to visit. She would let me release what I needed into the cauldron, or she would share a bowlful of something from it to nourish me. Sometimes she wanted me to peer into it and simply ‘see’, or scry.

It wasn’t until some months later that I realised this was Cerridwen calling me, which coincided with the pandemic.

Cerridwen has an energy that helps me to surrender and embrace necessary endings in life. This has been helpful through all the chaos and uncertainty of the pandemic.

My relationship with Cerridwen has been like the calm eye in the middle of the storm. It helps to centre me, as well as let go of my attachment to how I want things to be. She dissolves these things in her cauldron, asking me to open to her deep, wise presence within me.

For the last few years, my medication has caused several symptoms mimicking peri-menopause and menopause. These complaints are minor compared to the intensity of the pain I used to have, so I am very grateful and accepting of this. But it hasn’t always been easy, as I am not quite peri-menopausal yet.

The combination of this somewhat menopausal experience in my body, understanding chronic pain, raising a teenager and being married to an older man, means I sometimes feel I have more in common with women older than me than women my own age.

While later than previous generations, many folks my age are just settling down and starting a family now, or maybe just starting to feel the body’s limitations creeping in. Caring for their aging partner may not have crossed their mind yet.

Aging is something I hope to do gracefully and well. Something I will accept more and more with time. There are lovely older women in my life that I admire. I hope to carry Cerridwen’s Crone wisdom with me into the future, navigating my Enchantress years with her .

For now, I honour all the ways in which the Goddess has danced with me and continues to teach me.

How do you feel you embody Goddess energy? Is it something that has changed over time? How has your relationship with Goddess and your body changed as you grow older?

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Dancing With the Sacred Unknown

We are collectively in uncharted waters. Much of what we have known and relied upon has been washed away, requiring constant flexibility and resilience as we swim to keep our heads above water as best as we can. It is as though the solid ground beneath us has given way to water.

Sometimes, in times like these, our best option is to float.

When we float is there is nothing but water and sky, and we are held in suspension- it seems as though we are outside of time and space, heart open to the vast unknown. Depending on your comfort level with water, this can feel super scary or total bliss (or both!). Whether the water is still or pulsing with waves, it can still hold us up.

Without struggling or striving, we can rest into that support, even as it ebbs and flows. This can feel like a gift to our souls as we remember what it feels like to be a babe in the great Goddess’ womb, part of the origins of life itself.

These times of transition and uncertainty ask us to take a break from striving and feel what it might be like to be held by something greater.

Allowing ourselves to be held by something greater doesn’t necessarily mean we give up on things that matter to us and do nothing about our circumstance or situation. It is not a complete surrender of our free will, agency or engagement with the material world. No.

It is a practice of remembering that we are not always in control. It is accepting what we cannot change and at the same time allowing ourselves to open to greater potentiality within ourselves. Like floating on the water, we can accept the flow and open to what new directions and awareness the experience might bring. We remain curious, aware and open to something bigger than us to take us where we need to be. When we are attuned to the flow, we will better know how and where to swim.

Divine Darkness

The Dark Mother energy of Cerridwen has been incredibly healing and helpful to me in navigating this uncharted territory. It is not surprising that she showed up shortly before the pandemic began.

Dark Goddesses are not dark in nature so much as they are present and supportive to us when we are in dark times. Times when we cannot see what lies ahead, transitional times, times when we are meeting our shadow face to face or healing and moving through trauma. Dark Goddesses bring the wisdom, strength and lessons we need in order to navigate these challenges.

In my life, when one of these Goddesses shows up, it is an indication that I am going to be doing some deeper work or going on an inner underworld journey.

Through my relationship with Cerridwen, I have been practicing trust, surrender and being held by The Mystery. Cerridwen’s cauldron is the dark womb of potential and rebirth. This dark womb/cauldron imagery is something I work with regularly.

So much of Cerridwen’s energy, gifts and lessons in my experience is about that surrender to something larger. Trusting this divine energy to hold me in the sacred unknown. In Cerridwen’s deep cosmic cauldron, I feel safely held, yet open to vast potential. It is a very nameless, dark, void-like space at times.

Emptiness & The Creative Cycle

I was feeling quite creatively barren and empty when Cerridwen showed up. I was scraping the bottom of the barrel of new ideas, passion or motivation. I felt the emptiness had come with the end of a chapter and awaiting a new beginning. I was struggling to feel engaged or excited about anything. Cerridwen, as the goddess of inspiration, came into my sphere.

But she didn’t just bestow an abundance of passions and inspiration upon me out of thin air. She beckoned that I come and spend time with Her first. She is named the goddess of Inspiration, because it is through the challenging experience of transformation and surrender to the dark womb of nothingness, that inspiration can be born.

I felt a strong draw to Her, and began to read about Her, connect with Her, and follow her mysterious trail of will o’ the wisps towards Her cauldron, and entered into its mysteries.

In a nutshell, the cauldron transformed me. It recognised what needed to be released, where I needed to be strengthened and the process is still continuing today.

I have not emerged from the cauldron yet. I am still releasing and transforming within it. In letting go of old habits and becoming aware of my true inner light and strength, I am more trusting in myself and my ability to float and swim.

As I go through this journey with Cerridwen in Her cauldron, my inspiration is increasing. I am feeling more connected to what stirs my passion and aligned with my authentic self. I am also more comfortable with the unknown and finding ways to dance with it.

I recognise that life moves in cycles and new life always emerges from the emptiness. We don’t always know how the new life will show up, but it always does. So, I am looking forward to the continued emergence and growth that is sourced from that original emptiness I surrendered to. I trust that it will flourish in its own way and timing.

The Sacred Unknown

There is something sacred about the transitional times in life. Dawn, dusk, birth, death, those moments when we are neither here nor there, between versions of ourselves, ways of being in the world. These are sacred times. We are closer than ever to the source of life at these times, and while they are often uncomfortable, lonely, traumatic, or unbearable, they are the times when we are most held by something greater.

These are the times dark goddesses and spirit guides have made themselves clearly known to me. I have met important healers and had serendipitous experiences that changed the course of my life during these times.

Sometimes we have to be broken down in order to open up. I find it interesting that the word ‘scared’ is in the word ‘sacred’. I feel that moving through our deepest fears can be a deeply spiritual experience, because it can change us forever and help us grow.

It is important however, during these transitional times, to hold safe space for ourselves and ensure we have someone who can hold safe space for us, as safety is necessary in order to truly grow from our depths. The cauldron represents the sacred container that allows us to do so.

Water, Darkness & Reflection

I feel that it is important while we are going through times like these that we take time to look back and reflect on how far we’ve come.

How have you become more braver? stronger? More adaptable? What have you let go of? What new things have you opened up to? How have you changed?

It is also a good time to explore our relationship to the element of water and to darkness.

How do you feel about going with the flow? What have you learned from navigating change? How do you find your way when you cannot see what’s ahead? How do you cope with uncertainty?

Rituals for Being Held by the Dark Womb/Primordial Source:

I invite you to try connecting to the dark womb/primordial source as a way to cultivate trust in the unknown. It is something I enjoy doing.

If you have a bathtub, you can try taking a bath at night, with all the lights out. Imagine you are resting in the great goddess’ womb, merging with the primordial source of being. Silence is a very powerful accompaniment to this, just listening to the sound of your own breathing. However if that is too challenging, you may wish to play some deeply relaxing music. I suggest Deep Sleep by Calm Collective, Long Ambients by Moby or Voyage by Garth Stevenson. Simply rest in the darkness and feel as you are held within the womb.

You can recite the following affirmations:

I am safe. I am held. I am safe and held in the dark womb. I trust in divine timing. My time to birth will come. I now rest in the sacred unknown.

If you do not have a bathtub, or don’t feel comfortable in water, you can also lie down on your bed in darkness (if you cannot make your room completely dark, try wearing a blindfold). This makes sense to do at bedtime. Relax into bed, and imagine you are floating in the middle of a lake at night under a sky full of stars. You are warm and snuggled in the covers. Imagine you are within the Great Mother’s Womb, held safely. Connect to the silence, following the sound of your breath in and out. Or, if you’d rather, you can play relaxing music as I suggested above. Say the affirmations above to yourself.

You may also wish to visit a float spa, such as H2O Float Studio here in Toronto. Or, if it is warm where you are, go ahead and float on an actual body of water.

May the changes of these times create a relationship with darkness that is no longer one of fear, but of deep comfort, like the darkness of the womb, the darkness that is the source of life.

xo Serena

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Connecting with our Wise Inner Elder/Crone

‘Tis the season of the Elder, Crone, Hag and Wise One within. The season of tough love which urges us to to simplify, surrender, conserve our physical energy and contemplate the bigger questions in life.

The Crone aspect of the triple goddess (Maiden, Mother, Crone) rules over the dark moon phase of the lunar cycle and winter in the seasonal cycle. For those with a menstrual cycle, this aspect rules over one’s bleeding time- where body and mind ask us to slow down, release the past and open to new dreams and potential by tapping into the wisdom of the Universe.

The winter season carries the same energy, asking us to make space to reflect, dream and simply ‘be’. The working world doesn’t stop for winter, but invites us to simplify and conserve our energy. The subconscious requires more attention and processing, pulling us to sleep, meditate and heal our inner self.

Who is the Crone?

The Crone is the Death Goddess, the One who Sees in the Dark, She who comes to our aid when we are going through dark and difficult times. She teaches us the lessons of surrender, letting go, patience, strength and the necessity of death and decay to bring new life.

These can hard lessons to swallow, which is why there is a general fear of this aspect of the goddess, and consequently, a fear of womxn as they age, and a general devaluing of elder wisdom in our youth-obsessed, death-avoidant culture.

We are taught to equate old age with death rather than wisdom. If one believes in reincarnation, or an afterlife, or even just in the cycles of nature, we can find comfort in knowing that energy never ceases to exist, it simply transforms. But change can be scary, especially when it comes to death- the greatest mystery of all.

The Crone teaches us that death is a necessary component of life.

There are Crone goddesses in cultures all over the world. Some that fit this category are Ereshkigal, Nepthys, Hekate, Mother Holle, Sedna, Kali, Cerridwen, Cailleach Bear, Baba Yaga, and more. What these goddesses all have in common that they are somehow connected to the realm of death in some way. It is reflected in their myths, or by seasonal association. They often share stories of pain, trauma and rebirth that render them the wisdom to help us through our own difficult passages. They are also known for their knowledge of the unseen realms and the mysteries, as they are the lights that guide us through the dark.

Elder as Community Leader

During the winter solstice we welcome the energy of Capricorn, as it initiates the winter season, followed by the last 2 signs of the zodiac, Aquarius and Pisces. These three signs rule over the winter months in the northern hemisphere and carry the qualities of Crone/Elder energy in each their unique way. They are the signs most concerned with the collective- its structures, social health and spiritual wellbeing.

Similarly, the elders in a society are meant to be the ones who care for the community by being advisors and in turn, the community takes care of them. In our current system, elders- especially women and 2SLGBTQIA+ folks are not given value or purposeful roles and they are often forgotten and shunned to the shadows of society.

As we go through the winter months, we start to look at the big picture more. We become more aware of our sense of security and place in the world, as well as whether the collective is sustained within the structures that are meant to support it.

Things get serious in Capricorn season. Survival and security are at the top of our minds. We need to get responsible and be accountable. We start to think about our long-range goals and what practical steps we need to take to get there. We notice if the structure our life rests on is sound, and make any necessary adjustments. Capricorn, an earth sign asks us to be patient, think long term and think like an elder.

When we contemplate our goals, we my ask ourselves: Is it functional and sustainable? (Capricorn) Is it inclusive and progressive? (Aquarius) Does it leave room for spirituality and liminality? (Pisces).

Elder wisdom reminds us that we are small beings in a big universe, we are not the centre of it.

It also reminds us that we are all an intricate and important part of the web of life and have a duty to participate in its weaving. We must follow the light of our inner wisdom to lead us to our part to play in the dance of life.

From the Seasons of the Witch Samhain Oracle deck

Connecting to the Wise Elder Within

The Crone aspect of the goddess has always been the one that most resonated with me. Maybe because I was born in the depths of winter, or because I always felt like an old soul. It’s just an energy I gravitate toward and strive to cultivate. I feel it needs a greater voice and value in our culture.

Family structures have shifted in such a way that many of us have not been able to have a strong bond with grandparents, aunts and uncles or other elders in our lives. We may feel groundless or lost because of a lack of this energy in society. Sometimes family dynamics are simply too toxic or dysfunctional to have healthy relationships with our elders. Intergenerational trauma plays a big part and each generation must contend with its own struggles.

Connecting with our inner Elder can help heal that generational trauma, by bringing death to old patterns we are carrying and acting with wisdom. No matter what our physical age, we all have an inner Wise Elder within that we can connect with and consult with when we reach an impasse in our lives. It can become part of a regular practice to strengthen this part of us, so that when times get tough, we have the internal light to help us through.

If you are someone who journals, you may wish to try journaling on these reflection questions below. Or, perhaps you wish to simply contemplate these seeds in your mind, as a way to start connecting to your inner Elder.

What are qualities you admire in the elders you’ve encountered in your life?

In what ways does the Elder/Crone energy show up in your life?

How have the losses in your life changed you?

How do you feel about aging?

How do you imagine yourself as an elder in the future?

If you are already an elder, how would you describe your role and way of expressing this energy in your life?

What metaphorical or physical ‘wrinkles’ and ‘scars’ in life have strengthened you or made you who you are today?

If your younger self was looking for advice from you right now, what would you tell them?

Imagine you are with a wise elder right now, who knows everything about you, loves you unconditionally, really ‘sees’ you on the deepest level. What would they say to you about your life situation right now?

Crone spirit I found in the woods- do you see her face?

I think often about the future, and what kind of elder I want to become. I imagine different scenarios (some include grandchildren, while others include more cats, and maybe even a dog). My husband is much older than me, so I imagine what it would be like to live my elder years without him, which is very hard. I think about the strong independent women elders in my life, the ways they stay young at heart and the ways they express their wisdom and age gracefully.

The more I connect with my own inner Wise Elder/Crone, the more I live my life authentically, let go of the small stuff, and release the things that drain me. My inner Elder sees the big picture and knows the price of acting in self-abandonment or out of step with my values. Integrity is probably the most important lesson I learn from this part of me. She urges me to do the right thing, rather than the easy thing.

What does your inner Elder or Crone say to you?

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Keeping the Cauldron: What Does it Mean to Hold ‘Safe Space’?

The cauldron is a prominent symbol all over the world, especially in Celtic myth. It is a receptacle of death, rebirth and inspiration- A mysterious womb in which transformation takes place.

It is symbolic of the place we go when we are undergoing great change in our lives. It can feel dark and bottomless, as we are no longer who we once were and unsure of what we’re becoming. Yet, once we are reborn anew we realise there was something greater and stronger that held and contained us, and this enforces our own strength. This is the gift and mystery of the cauldron.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how necessary the cauldron’s containment and strength is, because it allows the transformation to take place within it. The cauldron represents the containment, boundaries and sense of safety necessary for us to relax and be vulnerable enough to go into our depths, heal our wounds and grow.

Holding space is important to me, because having spaces held for me in my healing journey has been truly transformative. I have been lucky to have experienced a feeling of safety in some healing spaces, but I have also experienced spaces in which this wasn’t the case and am aware of the damage it can do. I wanted to share a bit about this topic so prospective clients know that I value and strive to hold safe space. However, I am aware that ‘safe’ means different things to different people, and therefore, I often say ‘safer’ space, because even though I make efforts, each individual has their own requirements to feel safe, and I cannot always guarantee that my space will feel safe to all. But I am always open to dialoguing about clients’ needs.

As healing facilitator and Tarot reader, I must ‘keep the cauldron’ and tend the space with clients or in a group so transformation and healing can occur. Otherwise, the emotional contents can stagnate, spill all over the place, burn or dry up. The proper container is necessary in order to heal. The soft places within us cannot fully express themselves or transform without boundaries keeping them safe.

Safer Space & Boundaries

A lot of us who are empaths, introverts and sensitive souls are aware of the need for boundaries. Boundaries are a way that we can protect ourselves from harm.

When we are wide open with our feelers out all the time, we very quickly get bogged down with other people’s stuff, overwhelmed, scattered and drained. We know the necessity of saying ‘no’ to things and creating boundaries on our energy- whether that is time alone in our room, taking control of our schedule or only surrounding ourselves with people who support us- in order for our sensitivity to operate positively.

When holding space for others, I feel setting clear boundaries is an important way to foster safety so that participants can relax and delve into their sensitivity. This may be in the form of clear rules and expectations for participants, closing the room off from outside noise or traffic, beginning and ending at a set time, following through on intentions, and holding a protective, capable, nurturing, trustworthy energy. As a participant or client, I also feel it can be beneficial to mention to the facilitator my own situation or needs for safety.

Inclusivity

I understand that those who are marginalized can live in chronic anxiety and the feeling that they aren’t safe in this world. This is due to very real discrimination, violence and oppression they experience, because it is inherent to our social structures. Mental health struggles and trauma are more prevalent in marginalised communities and therefore this requires attention.

When marginalized people speak out on what they need to feel safer- whether it is a change in language, recognition, being heard, the need for greater representation, or calling someone in to check their privilege or be accountable- I feel this is an important statement of their boundaries so they can survive and function in the world- and they deserve to be heard and respected.

I have found that it is unfortunately all too common in spiritual communities for there to be a lack of understanding on the importance of inclusivity and its connection to safer space. Spiritual and healing practitioners may have good intentions, but if we don’t make the effort to educate ourselves or do our own inner healing and bias work, we will fail to create the space necessary for healing to occur.

Healing may occur with some of the clients/students- the ones who just happen to feel safe, included, welcomed and understood in that space. If there is no effort to do this for those who have a history of trauma or marginalization, then they may be re-traumatised and marginalized even further.

I strive to be inclusive and listen to marginalized voices in my work, because I know how necessary it is to feel safe in order to heal the deeper stuff and grow.

Discomfort & Growth

Feeling safe is something that is very unique to each individual and not every space is going to feel 100% safe for all people all the time, and it will not feel 100% comfortable all the time, either.

I think its important here to distinguish between feeling safe and feeling comfortable. It can be a fine line sometimes, but usually those who walk that line, know the difference. The goal of creating a safer space isn’t about feeling comfortable all the time.

Some folks assume wanting to feel safe is the same as wanting comfort. They will say things like ‘stop coddling those fragile snowflakes!’ because ‘it will hold them back in life’, ‘they’re just being big babies’, ‘discomfort is necessary for growth’, etc.

I can agree with the last one- discomfort can yield much personal growth and transformation. However, there is a difference between feeling uncomfortable and unsafe. Those things above are often said out of ignorance of the true depth of impact trauma and mental health issues have on the nervous system.

In order to grow through our pain and trauma, our nervous system requires a feeling safety first, or we can’t access the layers beneath the ‘survival mode’ it is in. Wanting safety is more about survival than it is comfort. Its goal is to help us feel safe enough to be within our window of tolerance-so we can simply ‘be’ without the extra anxiety- so we can actually take in information and interact and participate.

If we are already in our window of tolerance, dwelling happily in it and feel pretty comfy, then some discomfort can help empower us to try new things and overcome fears. However, if we don’t have access to an inner sense of safety first, we can’t get there.

Snowflakes-Each beautiful and unique, thriving in the cold

I think of it this way- feeling pain, discomfort and experiencing trauma in life is guaranteed. Everyone will have opportunities to feel pain. However, space in which people feel welcomed, understood and safe enough to drop one’s armor to feel and work through the pain is rare. I want to help create those rare spaces because safety and comfort are never guaranteed.

As someone who has experienced trauma and mental health struggles, who, because of these things rarely knew where my window of tolerance really was or what it felt like- I deeply value the people and places in my life that help create safer space for me. It was in those spaces that I felt I could relax my defenses, cultivate self-acceptance, and was able to heal the parts of me shunned into the shadows. It was only because I felt welcome, seen and heard that I discovered where my centre and inner feeling of safety even was.

Some say you need to find the safe space inside in order to feel safe outside. However, I feel the reverse is also true. Especially in regards to trauma history.

Things like trigger warnings, using the correct pronouns and inclusive language are simple and necessary ways to help create a safer space for individuals who are continuously wounded by the dominant culture, and who don’t often feel safe. Simply listening, being empathetic and open to adapting and changing things can make a difference. Doing these things does not mean you are preventing discomfort or necessary growth- in fact it will likely support it.

My Cauldron-Keeping Goals:

I am a work in progress, but strive to:

Stay aware of my own biases, privilege and position in relation to those I serve.
Use inclusive language and strive to create an inclusive space in my gatherings and sessions.
Keep educating myself on the needs of IBPOC, 2SLGBTQIA+, and those experiencing mental health/trauma. I am always open to hearing feedback and learning from my mistakes.
Actively listen to my clients without judgement
Continue my own personal healing work- Seeing my own healers and counsellors, continuously working on my own wounds and baggage.
Commit to my own spiritual path, connecting with my spirit allies and spiritual teachers, continuously growing and evolving.
Acknowledge that I may not be able to create safe space for everyone all the time, but I will always strive to.
See discomfort as a nudge for us to look within ourselves- to tend to the part of us that is asking for attention and healing.
See physical and psychological safety as a prerequisite for transformation and healing to occur.

Creating a Feeling of Safety Within Ourselves

Creating a sense of safety within ourselves is an important aspect of self-healing. Some of the ways we can do this is:

Release or heal toxic relationships
Set boundaries around our time and energy
Be aware of our triggers and communicate our needs to those around us
Be aware of the potential triggers of social media and limit our time on it
Check-in or ask questions before walking into a space
Create a time and space where we feel safe to be vulnerable and explore our feelings
Surround ourselves with beauty and inspiration
Associate with people who bring out the best in us
Spend time with a beloved pet
Spend time in nature
See a therapist, counsellor or spiritual healer who we feel safe with
Cultivate our spiritual practice

I feel this is a really big topic and could be explored in many ways. I hope you have a cauldron of safety somewhere in your life.

What helps you feel safe enough to be vulnerable, explore your depths, heal and grow?

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Who is the Goddess Cerridwen?

Cerridwen is a prominent figure from Welsh mythology revered by druids, witches, and pagans all over the world.

She is known as a mother, wife, shapeshifter, witch, healer, powerful initiatrix and bestower of the Awen– the divine force of flowing inspiration that permeates all existence.

Cerridwen has been the source of inspiration for bards of history through to today, as she is believed to brew the Awen in her magickal cauldron and bestow it upon those who wish to channel it.

She is therefore instrumental in the creation of art, song, poetry, music and all forms of creative communication.

Cerridwen is also a Goddess of spiritual initiation, transformation and change. Her myth depicts the process of her initiating a young boy named Gwion going through several stages of death and rebirth, eventually transforming him into Taliesin, who grew up to be the great Chief of Bards.

She is sometimes referred as a goddess of Inspiration, the Mother of Awen and the Keeper of the Cauldron, for her cauldron is a vessel of great power and change.

Cerridwen’s Myth in a Nutshell

Here is my brief version of Cerridwen’s story (derived from ‘The Tale of Taliesin’):

Cerridwen was married to Tegid Foel and lived in Llyn Tegid (Bala Lake) with her two children- a breathtakingly beautiful daughter named Creirwy, and an ugly-looking son named Morfran (meaning ‘sea crow’), which she later changed to Avagddu (meaning ‘utter darkness’). Cerridwen loved her son dearly, but like any mother, she worried about him.

She wanted so badly for her son to have the respect and opportunities in life he deserved, so she set about creating a potion that would bestow him with great powers of wisdom, inspiration and prophecy to give him hope for a better future.

Cerridwen was well versed in the practice of magick, and so spent time collecting the appropriate herbs, while assigning a young peasant boy named Gwion Bach to stir the cauldron and a blind man named Morda to tend the fire continuously for a year and a day- this potion was quite a commitment!

It was also a very particular potion in that once three drops of it were consumed, the rest of it became poison.

Gwion and Morda worked tirelessly, and Cerridwen mustered all her magickal knowledge and energy for this very special brew for her son. Eventually, she became tired and had a little nap.

During this time, three drops of the hot potion splashed from the cauldron onto young Gwion’s thumb. Instinctively, he brought his thumb into his mouth to soothe the burn.

Upon ingesting those three magickal drops, Gwion was immediately filled with the magickal abilities and wisdom intended for Avagddu- he could see the past, present and future with complete clarity. He knew Cerridwen would be very angry and seek her revenge.

Soon after, the cauldron split and broke open, spilling the now poisonous remains of the potion onto the land, where it flowed and killed horses nearby.

Cerridwen, awakened by the commotion, saw what had happened and in a rage, she began to chase Gwion Bach.

Gwion, now possessing the ability to shapeshift, took the form of a hare to run quickly away from Cerridwen. But Cerridwen was more powerful and took the form of a greyhound in pursuit.

As she got closer and closer to Gwion, he panicked and as he came to a body of water, he quickly transformed into a salmon, swimming as fast as he could. But Cerridwen then took the form of an otter and quickly gained on him.

Gwion then rose out of the water, taking the form of a wren, flying through the air. But Cerridwen took the form of a hawk and again began to catch up quickly.

As Gwion flew over a mill, he decided to turn himself into a grain of wheat and hide amongst a large pile of grain, thinking Cerridwen would never find him there.

However, Cerridwen was very determined, so she transformed into a black crested hen and proceeded to eat each and every last grain of wheat there, swallowing up Gwion into her belly.

She was relieved and satisfied to have gotten her revenge.

However, things did not go as she planned. By some biological oddity, the grain of wheat that was Gwion implanted itself like an egg within Cerridwen’s womb and began to grow.

‘Ceridwen’ by Christopher Williams
(c) The Glynn Vivian Art Gallery; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

When Cerridwen realised she was pregnant with this new form of Gwion, she was furious, and couldn’t wait to kill him once he was born.

Nine months later, Cerridwen birthed the most beautiful little boy. When she peered into his radiant face, she was overcome with love and could not bring herself to kill him. But she could not keep him either, after what had happened with the potion. So instead, she placed him in a coracle and set him out into the sea to meet his fate.

The young baby floated out in the sea for months or some say years, until one day a Welsh prince named Elphin was fishing for salmon and noticed something unusual caught in the nets. It was the coracle with the babe in it.

He brought it in, and when he saw the baby’s face, was overwhelmed by his brightness and exclaimed ‘What a radiant brow!’ In Welsh this was Taliesin, which is the name he then took. Taliesin eventually grew up to be the most famed and talented bards in history.

Cerridwen’s Character & Roles

This myth is so rich and full of symbolism, far too much for one blog post. However, these are some key things that stand out for me in regards to Cerridwen:

She is a protective mother, who wants the best for her child

She is a witch– (swynwraig in Welsh), as she is very skilled in herbs, potions and magick.

She is an initiatrix– She pushed Gwion through stages of spiritual growth and evolution- through the shapeshifting animals of land, sea and sky. Then he is consumed into the great dark womb of transformation through her pregnancy, after which he is reborn into a completely new form.

She is a transformer and incubator of energy, like the cauldron itself and the womb. There is a strong theme of transformation, incubation and rebirth throughout the story. There are three ‘wombs’ in which this takes place- the cauldron, Cerridwen’s womb and the coracle.

She is Mother of the Awen– She is connected to the song of the universe- the flowing inspiration that moves through all things, which enables her to make such a powerful potion as she did, bringing all that knowledge, wisdom and magickal ability to Gwion Bach in an instant.

She can teach us lessons around control & surrender– There is a strong theme in the story of surrendering to a power larger than ourselves. Cerridwen’s best laid plans, skills and intentions did not prevent her spell from going awry. Something bigger was at work. Her plan to kill Gwion was also twisted by fate. Gwion himself thought he was just going to obediently stir a witch’s cauldron when in fact, what awaited him was a massive initiatory journey of death and rebirth.

Cerridwen in my life

Marashinsky & Janto’s Goddess Oracle deck

I have only been working intentionally with Cerridwen since spring of 2020. Interestingly, that was the beginning of the pandemic. I had felt her presence before that, particularly on a trip to Wales, but I hadn’t put a name to her yet.

On my path, I seem to have periods of time where a deity calls me- I see or sense them in a vision, meditation journey or place, and feel very drawn to them. I work with them for however long I am meant to- to learn their lessons and integrate their energies into my life.

In some ways, starting a relationship with a new deity is like starting a new intimate relationship with a person. I go deep, I let the relationship transform me and my life. It may be long term, it may be shorter term. But I am touched forever.

It makes sense that Cerridwen would call during this collective time of such upheaval and change. We are all in her cauldron, in some way or another. We’ve had to surrender and let go of things, parts of ourselves, and people. We’ve been pushed out of our comfort zones and initiated, tested and challenged, like Gwion.

Working with Cerridwen has brought me face to face with my fears- of persecution, of rejection, of the unknown. She has helped me transmute them and liberate myself, layer by layer. She helps me to trust myself- my connection with the Awen and my skills as a witch. She challenges my love of knowing, stability and control- she has been eroding my need for certainty and transmuting it into a deepened acceptance and trust in the unknown.

Collette Baron-Reid’s Goddess Power Oracle

Cerridwen beckons us to see the beauty in the unformed potential that exists deep in the darkness of the cauldron and embrace this potentiality as fuel for new life.

Working with Cerridwen also seems to activate my voice. I would not consider myself a confident or talented singer or poet. I also struggle with much caution and fear in communicating my truth. Yet, whenever I meditate with Cerridwen, I am always compelled to sing and sound. She seems to love this, as an offering. She also doesn’t let me stop writing, communicating and standing in my power. She ensures that the truth be communicated, in service of the Awen. I thank Cerridwen for keeping me an open channel for the Awen to flow through. For being my protectress, my wise guide and teacher and my dark mother during this potent time.

I will share more of my experiences with Cerridwen and my journey with her in the future. For now, here is a simple song prayer I made up and sing to her:

Cerridwen
Sing to me
Mother of Awen
Teach me the Mystery
Cerridwen
Mother and Crone
Lady of the Deep
You dwell in my bones
Cerridwen
Shine your light
Hold me by the hand
In this dark night

-Serena

*If you are interested in learning more about Cerridwen, I highly recommend Kristoffer Hughes’ book: Cerridwen-Celtic Goddess of Inspiration.

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Why I started The Cauldron Goddess

Perhaps you’re like me and have felt kind of isolated and alone in your path as a witch, a pagan or spiritual person. Perhaps you are still in ‘the broom closet’ and not sure about being open about who you are yet. Maybe you’ve been out of the closet for a long time, but the path’s been super lonely or challenging.

Or perhaps you don’t consider yourself a witch at all, but your sensitive spirit comes alive in nature, and you wish to delve more deeply into that nourishment you receive when you slow down and connect to the cycles of the seasons, the celestial bodies, the earth, air, fire and water, the animal beings of the planet.

You perhaps know you are intuitive but sometimes don’t trust this part of yourself.

Maybe you are feeling some uncertainty or are going through a transition and wish for some guidance from your higher self.

Whomever you are, welcome and thankyou for coming by for a visit!

Things have been isolating in general over these long months of pandemic crisis. Many witches, pagans, and spiritual folks don’t have churches or temples in mainstream society. We are forging our paths and communities without much social support, in many ways, our very existence goes against the grain of colonial, patriarchal culture.

I am mainly a solitary witch, and happy being so, but sometimes, it can get a tad lonely. Even though I am in a big city where lots of other witches live, each of us has our unique path. Even if we are part of a group, our spirituality tends to be a very personal, individual thing. Some of us thrive when we are free to follow the beat of our own drum. Some thrive when in community. Some of my biggest lessons have been about the strength and empowerment that comes with forging my own path, and participating in community endeavors in small doses.

There is a fine line between solitary and lonely. It’s ok to dance that line sometimes, I feel it is part of the journey.

Truthfully, when we are on this path, we soon discover that we are never really alone. We are surrounded by allies and friends in the trees, rocks, animals, sky beings, ancestors, and spirit guides that surround us.

Even though I am solitary, I hold small community gatherings- the Hearthfire Circles– and try to attend events as well. As an introvert, I often find large events overwhelming, so I prefer smaller ones. The urge for community is often a strong desire in us witchy people and this exists alongside a need for solitude- to commune with nature, do our internal work and to rebuild a relationship with Spirit that is free of doctrines that do not resonate with us.

Part of why this urge for community it strong in me, and I feel in many other spiritual folks, is that we remember the old ways singing in our bones.

On a deep level, we remember living in sustainable community structures- in sacred connection with the land and each other-in reverence for all life. We remember the ways of folk magick, land-based practices that honour the cycles of the moon and seasons. We wish to return to more authentic, meaningful connections with others and ourselves. Perhaps we wish to revive the traditions of our ancestors- or at least, reclaim them in a new form that honours the present reality and the future we wish to create.

Our current culture under colonial, white supremacist, patriarchal capitalism can make creating a life like this quite challenging.

There are layers of oppression that have wounded many generations of us that takes a while to unpack and heal, and there are many obstacles in the fabric of our modern culture that makes us choose between the survival of our body or the survival of our soul. It also emphasizes the survival of some folks at the expense of others.

‘Community’ now is a word used rather loosely. It can pertain to one’s Instagram following, Facebook group or membership to a corporate entity. These are fine ways to connect, but they often lack the depth, intimacy and real-life energetic exchanges between people that we instinctively crave. We are also contending with barriers such as white supremacy, patriarchy, cis-heteronormativity, and all the ‘isms’ pervading not only the mainstream but pagan spiritual communities as well.

My wish, my motivation behind my spiritual practice and The Cauldron Goddess, is not only to reclaim my own power as a witch and wise woman, but to help others do the same. I wish to be part of the change I wish to see in the world. It’s kind of a big ask sometimes, but the path demands that we stay awake and aware of the world around us, and the power of small steps to eventually make big impacts.

I feel that my own practice, my writing and both my in-person and online work are some of those small things that can send magickal ripples out into the world.

Pandemic Burnout & Nourishing the Spirit

Over the pandemic, like many of us, I experienced recurring burnout. It was my constant companion, with peaks and valleys of anxiety and depression. I am privileged enough to have been able to see an amazing therapist through it whom I’ve been seeing for many years now, and I’ve had the freedom to do the healing work necessary to cope.

A lot of old patterns and stories were triggered this year, and I have been releasing them and healing them ongoingly.

What I realised over the pandemic is how essential my spiritual practice is to my own wellbeing and how necessary it was that I nourish my spirit in order to be be present for my family and clients.

My witchcraft practice reminds me that I am not alone, that I am part of the sacred flow of life around me. It also teaches me to honour my sensitivity and protect myself energetically when the world around me becomes too much.

Nourishing my soul had taken a backseat to duty for too long. Instead of heeding the call of my spirit, of taking time to process who I was and what I really needed in the moment, I continued to prioritise work, duty and the mundane without the magick. I was scraping the bottom of the bucket to the point where nothing was left for my clients, my family, myself, no one.

Prioritizing my spiritual practice has become a lifeline, and so re-centering my energies onto the things I love and bring me joy- witchcraft, writing, tarot and my circles is how I am filling up my cauldron again.

Ultimately, The Cauldron Goddess is for me- a way to keep my energy focused on what nourishes me, and in turn I hope it be a source of support for you too.

Womb Healing

My background and experience is in mind-body therapies and womb healing work.

For most of my adult life, I have struggled with endometriosis and this set me on a long journey of healing in mind, body and spirit. For the last 5 years, since my surgery, I have been gratefully pain-free and slowly rebuilding myself a new life that finally doesn’t centre around chronic pain. With my newfound energy, I did some things that were on the backburner during my 20s and early 30s.

I got a driver’s license, went to college, started working out and eating some of the foods I enjoyed but couldn’t eat due to my condition. I traveled and started to work with womb healing clients 1 on 1 in a deeper capacity because I had the energy and experience to make a difference.

Until that energy bottomed out.

At first I thought it was just the pandemic and all the personal challenges that came with it. But it slowly became clear that it was more than that. I knew my soul was urging me to move on from focusing on womb health. The time had come to shift into focusing on my spiritual life more.

Womb wellness was always a part of my life, and always will be. But I’ve been changing, my path has been changing, and my work has to change with it. Cerridwen called me. My spirit called me to focus on my sacred craft and practice. The cauldron, which among other things is symbolic for nourishment, containment and the womb, was calling me to explore it in new ways.

My womb space healing work continues now, just in a different, more expansive form. The Cauldron Goddess is an extension of this work, but with a focus more on the spiritual aspect. It is now in a form that can benefit anyone with or without a womb, with or without a womb health issue. It is about nourishment, self-care, and soul-care. All of which benefit the womb space, if that is something you need.

But I am moving beyond the physical womb itself to focus on nourishing the spiritual womb, the inner hearth.

The Cauldron & The Hearth

My intention is to create an energetic hearth with this blog and offer my services as a cauldron of nourishment for your soul.

This has been my practice as a Hearthwitch over the years- creating a sense of nourishment, safety and sacredness within my self. This then naturally extends to my home, family, clientele and community.

Taking the role of sacred space-holder, of empathetic listener and intuitive guide is my pleasure and passion. This role is nourished by my own spiritual and creative practices.

I have basic counselling, trauma and social work training that I feel is an important asset to what I offer as spiritual healing facilitator and tarot reader. I strive to create that safe cauldron for you to tune into your own intuition and self-healing abilities.

I will be sharing about topics like Tarot, witchy healing tools, sacred crafts, navigating the transitions through life-death-rebirth cycles, and all things related to my path as a hearthwitch, womb witch and devotee of Cerridwen- Goddess of inspiration, transformation and Mother of the Cauldron.

This isn’t my first blog, nor will it be my last. Its purpose is both a hearth for my thoughts, feelings and personal journey as well as a cauldron of teachings, tools and inspiration for your own journey. My hope is that in reading this, you will feel less alone, and more inspired!

So, come and sit down by the hearth with me, relax and nourish your intuitive, creative, nature-loving, witchy soul.

If you’re feeling comfortable, please reach out and connect with me for a reading, come to a circle or sign up for the Cauldron Collective newsletter below, and you’ll receive The Witches’ Wheel– a free ebook with info on the Witches’ sabbats and moon phases with affirmations and journal prompts for your own practice.

Serena

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